


Cold Coffee

by madeintheharrylouis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cute, Fluff, M/M, Must Read, Sad, Short & Sweet, you'll love it i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-12 18:52:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5676814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madeintheharrylouis/pseuds/madeintheharrylouis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>louis can't help but notice and admire the boy with the brown curls and journal who never drinks his coffee until it is ice cold.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one

Louis has been working at the coffee shop on the corner for almost a year now. About three months ago, this one specific customer started to come everyday. 

At first when he walked in, Louis immediately thought he was absolutely _beautiful_. He didn't know that the human species was capable of holding somebody with such stunning features. It amazes him.

He has these gorgeous brown curls that fit perfectly around his structured face. His green eyes are the prettiest feature he has ever seen on a person. He loves staring into them as he orders his drink (even though Louis already knows what he is going to get, he still orders it) and he knows the kid gets a little uncomfortable. He just can't help himself. And he always wears a different sweater each day, and he looks so _soft_. Louis wants to cuddle him and he doesn't even know his name. 

But he does order the same thing each time. Coffee with light sugar. Then he goes to the seats by the window, taking out his journal. He doesn't touch his coffee for about an hour. He just writes in that damn journal. Then he finishes, drinking his coffee while looking out the window. 

Louis can't help but stare at him. He works here every Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday. He's here each of those days at exactly eight. It amazes him, really. How somebody could do something like that every morning and be extremely punctual and organized. 

He doesn't understand why he drinks his coffee cold. It has to be horrible like that. 

He wants to know his name. But Louis makes his coffee, handing it to him with a smile. He can barely smile back, but he tries to. He wonders what is going on through his mind. 

Louis is never intimidated by anyone. He's definitely not intimidated by him, either. He's just worried and he doesn't want to scare him off because he seems like one of those people. He acts like a hurt puppy from what he has seen. 

He flinches at loud noises. He always looks so sad when ordering his drink, and walking over to sit down. He is so focused on his journal he is barely aware of his surroundings. 

Louis thinks the kid is happy when he's trapped in his journal, and there is nothing wrong with that. He's not going to interrupt him for that. He doesn't want to scare him off and then never see him again. 

He doesn't mind watching him do what he does everyday. He's just breathtaking, an amazing person to admire, although he's never spoken to him besides his ordering of coffee. 

His voice is slow and deep. Although he only says six words to him everyday, _"Coffee with light sugar, please,"_ and then, _"Thanks."_

It's a lovely sound. He wishes he could speak to him just to hear him say more. 

It's Wednesday morning on a beautiful sunny day. Louis watches the door. It's eight. 

Soon enough, the man strolls in. He holds his journal in one hand, walking over. He's wearing a lilac sweater today, soft curls brushed gently against his face. He smiles. 

"Coffee with light sugar, please," he mumbles quietly getting out his money. Louis says the words he just spoke in his head, like he always does. He makes him his coffee, handing it over to him with a small smile. 

"Thanks." 

He walks over to his seat, Louis still watching. He wonders if he notices. If he does, he's too polite to say anything. Or he's too weirded out and tries to ignore him. 

He takes out his journal, of course, immediately starting to write in it. He wonders what the hell is possible to write so much about. Or do whatever he is doing in there. He would love to read it. 

He wishes he could pause time. He would walk over to him, talking the journal to read it all. Every single page. Okay. He wouldn't really do it because it's not right to read someones personal things. But he would love anything more than to read it. Even glance through it. 

He writes so smoothly and delicately. Louis watches, putting his elbow on the counter, resting his chin in his hand while smiling to himself. 

The door swings open rapidly, making the poor man jump. He looks over with wide eyes. "Louis!" 

He rolls his eyes. Liam didn't have to be so fucking loud. He scared him. 

He runs over and he still watches over the man. He just settles down, continuing his journal.

"What did I say about being loud in here?" Louis asks giving him a dirty look. Liam gets too overly excited, always making a scene in here to get to Louis. 

"Sorry, I know. Mr. lover curls is here," he rolls his eyes. 

That's the nickname Liam and Zayn made up for him. They always make fun of Louis for being his secret admirer. He hates when they do that to him. But he can't deny it. 

"What's up?" He asks letting out a small sigh. 

"Zayn is buying that house. You know, one we can all share? You don't have to live in that small apartment anymore. We can all bunk together," he breathes out excitedly. Louis smiles at him. 

"That's amazing, how'd he get it?" 

"His aunt literally just handed up over some money. His mum, aunt and him all pitched in. Then the money we can give as well helps out," Liam nods. 

"This is great news," Louis laughs, patting Liam's shoulder gently, "And about time." 

"I know! I can't wait. It's going to be amazing now, especially since we are all out of school." 

Louis nods, glancing back over to the man. He's still writing. He frowns. Maybe he just likes his coffee cold? But he doesn't know why. He hopes one day he can know more about the beautiful man in the coffee shop.

...

Saturday morning at eight Louis waits for the man. He doesn't walk in. He frowns. That's strange. For months straight he hasn't missed a single day. He shouldn't be worried, he knows he shouldn't be. But he is for some reason. 

Monday. He doesn't show up again, as well as Wednesday, then the following Saturday. Louis is getting extremely panicked. He misses him in a weird way. He misses seeing him doing as he always does. He feels strange without him coming during his normal routine. 

He then gets scared. What if he doesn't come anymore? What if he moved away? He didn't even get the chance to speak to him. He's starting to regret it, now. Louis hasn't made one conversation with the man once. 

It's now Monday. Louis is crossing his fingers. He stares intensely at the door. His eyes widen when he does come strolling in. He wears a black sweater, sleeves way too long on him. He walks over. 

"Coffee with small sugar, please." 

He sighs a relief at the sound of his voice. He gives Louis a little weird look. Louis then goes and makes his coffee. He hands it to him with a small smile. 

"Thanks."

He walks over to his seat and Louis continues staring with wide eyes. He needs to speak to him. If he never showed up again, Louis wouldn't have been able to live with himself. He wouldn't be able to do it. He needs to have at least one conversation with this man. He needs to at _least_ know his name. 

He asks his coworker to hold on for a second as he goes to speak to him. He nods, allowing Louis to head over. 

He takes slow, steady breaths. He's extremely nervous. He doesn't want to scare him. 

"Hey," he says quietly, sitting down next to him.

The man quickly pulls away his journal, cheeks immediately going red. He looks at Louis with furrowed eyebrows. "Hi."

He says it almost questionable. Louis smiles at his voice. 

"Where have you been?" Louis asks as nicely as he can manage, putting his elbow on the table to rest his cheek against his hands to stare more at the boy. 

"Um. I haven't been here, I guess," he says quietly, bringing his journal to his chest, hugging it tightly. He looks adorable. 

"I noticed," Louis chuckles softly, "I missed seeing you."

He stares. "You have?" 

He nods. "You're my most frequent customer! It was weird not seeing your face around with your same old coffee." 

He takes a deep breath, nodding slowly himself. "Okay." 

Louis lets a little frown come across his face. He doesn't know if the boy is just extremely shy, scared, or just too sad. It makes him upset. 

"Doesn't your coffee get cold?"

"What?" He asks, slowly moving his thumb along his journal. 

"You don't drink it for an hour. Isn't it freezing by the time you start drinking it?" 

He shrugs. "I like it cold." 

"Really?" Louis asks a bit surprised.

"Yeah. Is there something wrong? If there is, I'm sorry, I didn't know it's an issue," he says, whole face in a small frown. 

"No, of course not. We all like different things. Mine just tends to be warm coffee," Louis offers a smile. 

The man gulps, nodding slowly. "I guess." 

He starts to wonder what he's thinking. Is Louis scaring him? Maybe he should end the conversation. He just needs to learn his name, first.

"Is this an appropriate time to ask for your name?" He asks him. 

"Harry," he says cautiously.

"Harry. That's a nice name. It suits you. You being hairy and all," Louis smiles pointing to his head. 

He slowly reaches up, running his hand through his hair. He then sees a small smile approach his face. That's the first time he's seen him smile. And he sees a dimple. He has dimples. Just when Louis thought he couldn't get any cuter or sweeter. 

"Yeah," he says quietly, smile falling from his face. 

"Well, nice meeting you. Hope you still come around. It'd be weird if you didn't," Louis smiles standing up.

"Wait," Harry calls quietly. 

He stops, watching him. "Yeah?"

"Um, your name. You didn't tell me your name." 

Louis chuckles. "How silly of me. I'm Louis," he smiles. 

Harry nods slowly, turning in his seat, putting his journal back down to write in it. 

Louis happily goes back to his working spot. He continues watching the man draw. 

The man has a name now, finally. Harry. Harry is the official name of the stunning man in the coffee shop Louis happens to work at.

And Louis prays to God he's going to be able to finally become friends with him.


	2. two

"Zayn said we can move to the house in about a week," Liam says walking Louis to his apartment. 

"That was quick, thank God, I hate my apartment," Louis huffs lightly. He lives in such a shitty environment, it basically grosses him out getting home. 

"We all know. It's a dump." 

"Hey, not mine necessarily. I keep it squeaky clean," he elbows Liam. 

"I know you do."

"I talked to him," Louis blurts out with a wide smile.

"Mr. lover curls? No way. Wasn't he not coming around?" He asks surprised. 

"Yeah. He showed up today and I had to make it my shot. He's so shy, or scared, I don't know. It worries me." 

"Why does it worry you?" Liam gives him a weird look. 

He shrugs. "He looks so harmless. And adorable. He has dimples, Liam. Fucking dimples." 

Liam laughs. "I wouldn't know. I've never seen the kid smile." 

Louis smiles. He wants to make Harry smile more often. 

...

Wednesday morning Louis can't even try to hide his smile when Harry comes walking in. He's wearing a light pink sweater, curls messier than usual. 

He approaches Louis slowly and cautiously. 

"Hi," he whispers out, barely audible. Louis smiles. He's always fucking smile at him, he has to be weirded out. 

"Hey. Same old?" 

"Um, yeah," he nods. 

Louis makes him his coffee and he comes back to Harry handing out the money. He gives him his drink. 

"Thanks." 

"Want me to keep you company?" He calls out before he turns around completely. He looks at Louis, worried. "I mean, if you want to write, I understand. But I'd love to talk to you."

"W-Well, I don't mind, but I'm not an interesting person to speak to," Harry breathes out roughly.

Louis shakes his head, walking over to start heading over to his normal spot. "I doubt that."

Harry just coughs awkwardly, sitting down as Louis does the same. 

He just stares out the window. He clearly doesn't know what to do without his journal, or how to communicate for himself. 

"How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?" Louis asks gently. He can maybe start off with simpler questions. 

"I'm nineteen." 

He nods. "I'm twenty one. Are you going to college or?" 

He shakes his head. "I don't think this upcoming year." 

Louis wonders why. He doesn't mean to be too judgmental, but Harry definitely looks like the school type.

"That's alright. It's summer, anyways," he decides to say.

Harry clears his throat again. "Um, are you?" 

"Yeah. I go right around here though. It's no big deal."

"What do you want to be?" Harry asks quietly.

Louis chuckles. "I don't know. I'm not going to major in anything specific. I'm not that smart in much."

"I'm sure that's not true," he says watching Louis. 

It's true, though. He doesn't have anything he's interested in. He's never gotten the best grades. He tries but he just doesn't have the effort. So he tends to slack behind. He thinks he'll just keep a small job. It's not the best idea, but that's how he wants to live his life.

"What about you?" 

"Um. Well, I love writing and drawing. That's what I do in me journal." Makes sense. That's all he ever does, from what Louis sees.

Louis nods. "What do you write about?"

He shakes his head, sighing. "Nothing important." 

Louis licks his lips. "I'm sure it's amazing, whatever it is you do," he decides to say. He doesn't want to make it seem too pushy or anything.

He smiles slightly, making Louis join him almost immediately. "Thanks. I guess." 

"So what made you start coming to this coffee shop?" Louis asks, leaning back in his seat. His knee touches against Harry's and he tries not to flinch at the feeling. 

"Well, I moved here whenever I started coming here. I like having mornings to myself but like...not to myself. I like knowing people are around me, but not bothering me. I don't know. It's weird, sorry," he quickly shakes his head. 

Louis just laughs, trying to make a joke. "Oh, so are you saying I'm bothering you? Is that what you're trying to get at?"

Harry widens his eyes. "Oh my, no. Not at all. I'm sorry if I made it seem--"

He starts laughing at how worried Harry seemed at his joke. He interrupts him. "I'm teasing you, curly. I completely understand." 

He furrows his eyebrows. "Curly?" 

Did he creep him out? He hopes not. He doesn't even know why he necessarily called him that. It kind of slips out. Sometimes Louis acts like he's too close to a person he's talking to, even if they just met. It's just the way he is.

Louis smiles. "Yes. Curly. You have curly hair, therefore, the nickname curly suits you perfectly." 

Harry then smiles. Like an actual, bigger smile than he's given Louis before. "That's just silly," he says quietly, hiding his face shyly in his pink sweater.

"Mm?" Louis tilts his head, smiling at him. 

"I, um, I don't have any nicknames to think of for you, just yet. Sorry." 

Fuck, he's so adorable. 

"That's okay. In the meanwhile you'll find one. I'm an easy person to mess around with."

Harry nods. "Okay. That's okay." 

Harry is definitely a shy person. He's trying, though, to talk to Louis. Louis thinks he's a pretty easy person to get along with. He makes conversation he thinks is right with that specific person. 

"So, Harry, tell me more about yourself," he says. But once he sees the expression on Harry's face, he knows that was a mistake. 

"There's... well, um. There's not really anything for m-me to tell you. I'm--"

"Okay, okay," Louis interrupts him so he doesn't continue speaking and has a heart attack, "I have to get back to work. Tomorrow. Sorry, Saturday, I want you to tell me just two things about yourself, something you don't share with people that often. And I'll do the same for myself. Sound good?" He gives Harry a small, closed smile. 

Harry nods very aggressively. "Okay," he whispers out. 

He smiles. "Good. Go enjoy your journal now, sorry I kept you from it," he says standing up.

"I didn't mind. Uh, have fun at coffeeing." 

Louis is about to start to walk away when he has to give Harry a questioning look. "Coffeeing?" 

Harry blushes immediately. "Uh, yeah. I mean you give people coffee for the most part. So...coffeeing?" 

Louis laughs, making Harry blush even more. But he just smiles at him wide dreamy eyes before speaking again. "Coffeeing." 

He walks away seeing the slightest smile come across Harry's face. He gets to his spot, turning to see Harry who already has his journal out, writing away.

The days go by so slowly because all Louis can look forward to is hearing whatever Harry came up with. He's so excited which is kind of sad, he thinks. He's so obsessed with him when he probably doesn't even think about Louis in anyway possible.

On Saturday morning Louis wakes up like it's Christmas morning. He gets to the coffee shop, waiting for Harry to come rolling in. 

He does and Louis already has his coffee ready for him. 

Harry walks over with a little look on his face. "Oh. Thanks?" He says quietly and confused. Louis just smiles, chuckling a little when Harry hands over the money. They walk over to sit down. 

Harry takes a deep breath, gripping onto his coffee. He spins to Louis. "You go first."

He chuckles. Is Harry actually nervous or something? He has to know Louis isn't one to judge. And how does he not know Louis is obsessed with him? He's absolutely clueless. 

 

"Okay, Harry. Well first of all, I'm a big sucker for football. If it's playing it in person or in video games, going to watch games in person or on the telly. I'm obsessed, die hard fan. Then, I played Danny in the play of Grease in middle school. You can call me a nerd, if you'd like." 

Harry smiles. "Really? I love that movie a lot," he blushes as he speaks. 

Louis chuckles. "Yeah. There's a story behind it, too. I laugh when I get nervous. Like I can't stop. So I was always fine during rehearsals. But the day in front of a crowd, I got onto stage and froze. So many people were there. And everyone was waiting for me to start my lines. I couldn't. I stared then I started bursting laughing into the mic. Soon, the entire place was laughing. That helped me calm down, thankfully. Then we continued and the play was a success." 

Harry laughs, hiding his smile but Louis can still spot his dimples. "That's crazy."

"Now tell me," he smiles, resting his chin in hand. 

Harry sighs. "Well... um, I guess I have one close mate, named Niall. He's Irish. And I tell really stupid jokes sometimes. They slip out of my mouth, so I guess if I say something you don't have to laugh because I'm not funny," he runs his hand through his hair. He was expecting different, honestly. Like some deep story about his writing history. But this is still completely fine.

Louis chuckles. "Let's hear one of these jokes then." 

"Oh no," he shakes his head, "It has to be in the moment."

"Wow," Louis throws his hands up, "Alright, then."

"Yeah... I don't know what else to say about myself," he frowns, playing with his coffee cup. He can tell Harry wants to talk to him as much as Louis wants him to. 

"That's okay."

"I'm lame," he groans, burying his face into his hands. Louis chuckles, grabbing at his wrists to pull away. Harry looks at him with little green eyes. 

"Hey, no you're not. I'm lame. I'm the one who once was drunk and I fell down two flights of stairs at a party." 

Harry shakes his head. "Trust me. You can't be as clumsy as I am." 

Louis raises his eyebrows. "Is that so?" 

"I can barely walk straight. Got meself some um, pigeon feet," he says looking down. 

"Huh?" He stares at him confused. 

"Oh, uh, sorry. It just basically means my toes point inwards when I walk." 

Louis laughs. "Seriously? In all my life I've never heard of a person having pigeon feet." 

Harry just nods nervously. He doesn't like how insecure and scared he gets every time he basically speaks about himself.

"Don't worry. If those pigeon feet of you ever try anything on you in front of me, I'll be there to catch you," he continues with a small smile. 

Harry just inhales a deep breath, before releasing it with a laugh. "Okay." 

"We had a nice small chat, I'd say. I'll see you Monday," Louis stands up. 

He hears Harry weakly say another okay. 

He doesn't care how long it takes. But he needs Harry to stick around him so he can hear one of his jokes. He wants to make him happier than he is now, bring him out of the shell he's currently in. Most importantly, he just wants to hear Harry really laugh to the point he's in tears. That will be the best day of Louis' life.


	3. three

Louis stares at the door. Nothing new. 

Tomorrow he's moving in the house with Liam and Zayn. He's happy he's finally getting out of that shitty apartment. 

He wants to hang out with Harry outside of this coffee shop, but he doesn't know if he should ask just yet or not. He doesn't know if Harry would want to do that. For all he knows, he doesn't even like Louis. He's just being polite. 

Harry comes stumbling in, tripping on his on boots making Louis chuckle. Harry blushes, walking over with his journal in left hand. 

"Here," Louis smiles, "Still up for that company?" 

Harry nods. "Thanks." 

Louis goes over to join him. They sit down together. 

"So how're you?" Louis asks gently.

He shrugs. "M'fine. You?" 

"Good, good." 

Harry nods, looking down at his journal cover. It has a little star on it, Louis thinks he drew it on himself. He decides to ask. 

"Did you add that star to the front?" 

Harry looks up into Louis' eyes, nodding and shrugging it off a little. "It was too plain." 

"Looks nice."

"Yeah. Thanks," he forces a quick smile. 

"I've always wanted to draw. I can barely draw stick figures, everything just looks like shit. My mate, Zayn, wow, he's an artist. He does this graffiti shit and he always paints on the walls, it's sick. Do you like graffiti? Or do you mostly just write and draw sometimes?" Louis rambles.

"I never tried graffiti, so no?" Harry says quietly. 

"Damn. I did it with Zayn one time. It was so funny. We spray painted the back of our college's brick wall. It's still there and they have no idea who did it. We did good on not getting caught."

"Um, what'd you put on it?" 

"We just did random squiggly lines and shit. It looks cooler than it sounds, actually. I should take you there to show you. That reminds me, too. You said you were going to take a year off for college? What are you going to be doing that year off? And where are you planning on going, then?" 

He's a bit surprised when Harry smiles, like he actually smiles. He chuckles lowly, looking down at his hands. Did he really just chuckle? Louis must be dreaming.

"You talk a lot," he mumbles out, twisting and turning his rings. 

Louis smiles. That was cute. And he can't disagree. Louis does talk a lot. He tends to ramble. "I know. I ramble on about things, but I'm just tryna get to know ya. Sorry if I'm annoying to them ears of yours."

"I-It's okay. I just don't talk a lot, that's all." he breathes out quietly.

"That's alright. I don't mind talking. If you don't mind me talking," Louis gives him a quick wink when he glances up. He blushes immediately.

"I like listening to you talk," he says not breaking eye contact with Louis for a second, which makes him feel kind of special. Just because Harry can't really remain too good of eye contact from what he's learned. He's obviously just shy, there's nothing wrong with that. Louis is the one being annoying and probably pestering the poor kid.

"In that case, I'll never stop talking," Louis leans back in his seat making Harry look down at his hands again, blushing. He blushes a lot, clearly embarrassed. It's cute. 

"Good," he barely speaks out. 

Louis stares into his eyes. He has always admired his eyes, but he never really looked at them. 

"Look at me." 

Harry looks up confused, staring at Louis nervously. He has no idea what's going on, but they just stare into each others eyes for what seems forever. Louis almost feels himself melting. He has the prettiest eyes in the world. 

Harry starts to blink, getting uncomfortable. Louis notices and he just lets out a small sigh. 

"You have really nice eyes," he smiles, tilting his head sideways.

Just like he expected, Harry blushes, looking down at his hands. "Thanks. You too. You have really, really nice eyes, too," he mumbles on quietly. 

The smile that comes across Louis' face is probably the most embarrassing thing ever. But he can't help himself. 

"You have dimples," he then says. 

Harry shifts a little, glancing upwards. "Um, yeah." 

"Wish I would see them more," he decides to say. 

He's hoping Harry will realize what he is hinting towards. That he just wants to see him happy. He wants to be the reason for that smile to show his dimples.

"Okay, um, I guess, I can..." 

Then Harry just fucking smiles at him. Just like that, he smiles at Louis like he's posing for a picture. Damn it, Louis wishes he had his phone out to take a picture because he looks absolutely, irresistibly, utterly, _adorable_.

He can't believe he just did that, and Harry obviously can't either by the look on his face.

The smile fades and Louis shakes his head. "Aw, no," he reaches over poking at Harry's cheek, "Where'd they go?" 

Harry then chuckles. A small little laugh, but it's something. He softly, like, so fucking softly pushes at Louis' hand to get him to stop poking at his cheek. His sweater touches Louis' hand as he pushes away as well, since he always wears the sleeves so long. The material is really soft, no wonder Harry wears those all the time. 

"There," Louis smiles again. 

Harry just chuckles again, looking up to really look at Louis. "They make me look too young." 

"Young is good, Harry. You don't want to look like a fifty year old man," he points his finger at him. 

Harry chuckles _again_. Louis is happy. "I don't know." 

"You're tall and built. Those dimples are just another strong structure you happen to have," he rambles. He might of complimented him too creepily. Like he noticed too much about him. But whatever.

He just blushes, shrugging. "I guess."

"Well, Harry, love speaking to you, like always. But I should head back before Joe over there cuts off my head," Louis says making a little slicing motion over his neck. 

Harry nods, smiling softly. "Okay." 

"See you next time, yeah?" 

"Yeah." 

They smile at each other until Louis walks back to his spot.

But just like always, he goes right back to staring at Harry write in his journal, cold coffee sitting aside. 

...

"So Mr. lover curls has a name, finally?" Zayn asks helping Louis with his boxes. 

"Harry," he smiles.

"That makes sense." 

"What does?" Louis asks confused. 

He shrugs. "Actually, nothing really does. I guess he just looks like a Harry." 

He chuckles. "Yeah." 

"Well, I'm glad for you. Maybe you can finally get into dating."

"He's lovely, Zayn," Louis starts seeing Harry's eyes in his mind once again. 

"You've said that. Like, twenty times in the past five minutes." 

Louis swats at his arm and he chuckles. 

"Boy, I can't wait to live with you now. He's all you're going to talk about," Liam comes out of nowhere, bumping into the conversation. 

"Who asked you?" Louis huffs. 

"I'm just saying. I'm already annoyed." 

"Shut up. You were the same way about Sophia."

"Still am," he chuckles. 

Liam was so fucking annoying about Sophia. And Louis knows he is worse than him, which is shocking. It actually disgusts Louis but he can't help himself. Harry is just too amazing for him.

"Finally lads," Zayn says wrapping his arms around the both of them, "Us to one house," he squeezes them closer. 

Louis snuggles his face into Zayn's neck, chuckling. "Oh, shut it. I'm going to take a shower to get all this filth off of me," he pushes away, heading over to the bathroom. 

They all eat together watching some old films. He loves spending time with the lads. But he can't stop thinking of Harry. He sort of wishes he was here. He wonders how he would get along with them. Zayn and Liam are incredibly nice, they would for sure make him feel welcomed. 

When Louis is back at the coffee shop, Harry comes in on time and they do their normal new thing. Louis follows him to his seat. 

"So I moved in a new place," he starts off. 

Harry nods. "That's nice." 

"Yeah. It's with me best mates. I used to live in this shitty apartment. I kept my room nice, of course. But the environment of it was disgusting. Where do you live?" He rambles once again. 

"I live in an apartment too. But the environment isn't disgusting," he says making eye contact with Louis this time. He's glad. 

"Lucky for you. I was basically living in a small hole inside a dump."

Harry chuckles. "That's not good." 

Louis needs to fucking ask him to hangout. Harry knows how Louis is by now, he has too. Louis is easy to read and get along with, he hopes at least. He wants to hangout with him badly. 

"So, anyways, Harry, I was--"

"Louis!" 

Louis doesn't flinch but Harry sure does, eyes widen looking behind him. He watches him frowning a little turning to his side to see Liam and Zayn standing. He could kill them right then and there.

"What?"

"We know it's early, but Zayn's aunt got us tickets for the footy game tonight."

He stares at them. The game isn't till eight, they could have just fucking waited for him to get home instead of terryfing Harry. He's mad. 

"Okay? Well I don't fucking care about that no--"

"But she's so clueless, she got us an extra ticket," Liam sighs, "It's a total waste."

Now he sees what they are doing. And he just wants to kill them more, honestly. 

Louis takes a deep breath, glaring at them. 

He turns to look at Harry who is blinking downwards at his lap. He's taking slow, deep breaths. 

"Hey," Louis reaches over, resting his hand on Harry's leg. He flinches a little, looking up quickly. 

"What do you say about a footy game tonight?" Louis smiles. 

He frowns. "Oh, no, I couldn't, that's--"

"But Harry," Zayn starts, "You have to come. Louis will be lonely without you, and this ticket can't go to waste."

Louis is going to fucking kill Zayn. 

"I don't know," he frowns. 

"It's okay, Harry. You don't have to come if you don't want to," Louis glares at the boys before looking back at Harry. 

"Oh no, I-I do...I'll come. I can come," he says giving a small smile. It doesn't seem too forced.

"Are you sure? Ignore these douchedicks and what they say." 

Harry chuckles. That makes Louis feels better. 

"No, I'll come." 

"Perfect!" Liam shouts, "Nice meeting you Harry, we've heard lots about you, love," he giggles before Zayn drags him out, them waving to Louis. 

Louis is going to faint. They embarrassed him too much. He feels bad for Harry.

Harry is blushing. 

Louis smiles at him, shrugging. "Kids. What will you do with them?" 

He chuckles softly. "I don't know." 

"Want to give me your number? I can text you?" Louis offers. 

Harry nods. "Uh, yeah." 

He takes out his pen. And he does something Louis didn't expect. He grabs Louis' hand, writing his number on it. Louis stares at him. He looks so focused on something so simple.

"Great," Louis smiles once he's done, "See you then."

"Yeah." 

Louis walks away feeling happier than ever, and more excited than he ever has been before. Life is turning out better than ever for him, and it's just because of Mr. lover curls.


	4. four

"Lou, you've been looking at yourself for thirty minutes. You look fine, stop playing around with yourself," Zayn says trying to drag Louis away from the mirror.

"Leave me alone, I'm still mad at you," he mutters trying to fix his hair once more. 

"You're happy. Aren't you?" He smirks at him. Louis rolls his eyes. 

"Still hate you. Completely unnecessary, you could have pulled me off to the side," Louis walks away from the mirror, grabbing a jacket in case it gets cold outside. 

"What's the fun in that?" Zayn shrugs. He peaks his head then into Liam's bedroom, "Come on, mate. We're leaving." 

This is the first time Harry won't be seeing Louis in his stupid little coffee shop apron. And he won't be writing in his journal, or he won't be drinking his cold coffee. 

Louis texted Harry and he asked if he could just meet him at his house. Louis agreed to it. He thinks maybe he doesn't want Louis coming to his apartment, he might think he'll stalk him or something. Which in his defense, is completely untrue. He'd never do that. 

"We have to wait for Harry, remember?" Louis says to Zayn, Liam strolling out. 

"I know. Just wanted him out of his bedroom," he chuckles looking at Liam who rolls his eyes. 

"Such a pain. You know I'm trying to finish the season I'm on in Breaking Bad," he complains. 

Zayn shrugs. "You'll live." 

Soon there's a knock on the door and Louis jumps. He goes to open it. He's nervous. Why is he so nervous? He starts laughing. Fuck. 

"Come on," Zayn groans. 

Louis rushes to Liam, "Pretend you said something funny," he laughs out. He told Harry he laughs when he is nervous. He doesn't want him to know he's nervous. 

"Ready lads?" Zayn asks once the door is open. 

Louis finally stops laughing when eyes land on Harry. He stands there, his own hands intertwined with each other, looking up towards Louis so fucking innocently. He's wearing a lilac sweater, it being way too big on him. He has some black jeans on, with a pair of gold boots. And he looks absolutely breathtaking.

Louis smiles so wide he's surprised his cheeks don't break or something. He can't help himself. "Hey."

Harry just gives an awkward little wave.

"Alright, now we can go," Zayn says walking past Harry. 

"I get shotgun!" Liam says running past Harry too. Harry jumps a little as he storms by. Louis just smiles. 

"How're you? You sure you want to come?" He asks walking up to him, closing the door behind. 

"Yeah. I do," he smiles at Louis. 

He nods. "I'm glad. Are you into footy as much as I am?" 

"Not really," he blushes, "B-But I don't mind coming." 

Louis feels bad. "Aw, I didn't know you didn't like footy. You didn't have to come just because I asked." 

Harry shakes his head. "Um, no. It's okay. I-I like hanging with you. Or talking to you. At the coffee shop," he stumbles out. 

Louis stares at him before giggling. "You're too cute," he finds himself surprisingly saying. 

They get to the car, climbing in the backseat. 

"Glad you guys decided to join us," Liam says. 

If they fucking make any annoying comments throughout the night, Louis will be sure to kill them in front of Harry. He won't even care. 

"Thanks," Harry just says. Louis wants to laugh.

"So, Harry, doesn't Louis smell bad? He hasn't showered in days," Zayn teases. Louis rolls his eyes.

"Um. Well, I thought he smelled fine," Harry says. 

Louis just laughs. "He's joking. I showered today." 

"Oh," Harry blushes. 

"You should have seen him. He wouldn't stop fixing up in--"

"Okay!" Louis claps his hands together, "Why don't we speak of something else." 

"Does Louis make your coffee good?" Liam asks, "Whenever I go there to get coffee, turns out he's been spitting in my drink and I didn't even know," he huffs. 

Harry chuckles lowly, looking at Louis. He then coughs. "Yeah. It's good."

Louis smiles. 

They keep small talk the ride there. Harry is shifting a little in his seat, but he doesn't seem too uncomfortable. 

They walk out of the car once they are there, Harry stumbles out almost tripping. Louis grabs onto his arm from quick reaction. 

"Woah there," he laughs. 

Harry huffs, blowing the hair out of his face. "Sorry. M'tripped." 

"Clearly. Told you I'd catch you if those pigeon feet decided to act up," Louis jokes. 

Harry chuckles, looking down at his feet. 

"Thanks," he mumbles. 

They walk to their seats sitting down. They sit from Zayn, Liam, Louis, then Harry. Harry shakes his legs up and down, leaning in his lap as they sit. 

"You doing good?" Louis asks. 

He smiles, nodding at him. "Yes."

"Are you hungry? Do you want to get something to eat? They have like hot dogs or popcorn. I'm not sure what you'd like. We can get something to drink too. I should have brought water so we don't have to buy it," Louis sighs. 

Harry chuckles. "You're rambling again." 

Louis smiles at him. "Oh, shut it. I can't help myself." 

He buries his chin into his sweater, chuckling some more. He's so cute. 

"I don't mind, though," he says lifting his chin away, looking Louis in the eyes. 

"I'm glad. But hey, you never answered me," Louis says. 

He shrugs. "I'm fine now. Might want something later though. I'm a big boy. I can get it myself, by the way," he chuckles. 

Did he just make a little joke? Louis laughs with him. "Well in that case, I'm sorry." 

The game starts and Louis watches it like he normally would. But for some reason he really just wants to keep talking to Harry. 

Liam and Zayn are really into the game, barely talking to Louis. They just talk to each other, and Louis is thankful for that. They're letting him just spend his time with Harry. 

It's tied and the games getting more intense. Louis would normally be jumping and shouting, but he just isn't into it now. 

The man next to them screams at the top of his lungs. Harry jumps. He looks over at the man, leaning into Louis, not meaning to. Harry's back is on Louis' chest while he stares at the man. 

"It's okay, love," Louis says to him. He doesn't know why he gets so scared at loud noises, but he understands there has to be a reason behind it. 

Harry turns to look at Louis. Their faces are way closer than before. He just smiles at Louis, probably the realest smile he's given yet. 

Louis leans back a little, "So, why don't you like football that much?" 

He shrugs, still making sure that they are touching shoulders. That's weird. He didn't know Harry was all touchy-feely. 

"I played it in high school. I was forced to for gym or whatever. I was absolutely awful. I used to kick at the ball and I would just miss it, then I'd fall on my ass. One time, someone kicked the ball right to my stomach. I got sick, had to run to the side to throw up. Everyone was laughing at me," he shrugs with a little frown, "My mates made it worse. They would not leave me alone about it. So, I guess just from bad experiences."

That's the longest thing he's ever said to Louis. Probably the first story he's actually told him without stuttering. What came over him?

Louis just laughs. "Sorry mate, that sounds awful." 

"I'm guessing you're good?" He asks slowly. 

He shrugs. "Maybe. I don't want to brag," Louis rolls his eyes jokingly. 

"I mean, I could play with you one day. If you just don't kick the ball at me as hard as you can, and don't laugh when I land on my ass."

Louis smiles then laughs. "Of course, Harry. I'd love that."

He's shocked. He didn't expect this whatsoever. But he's beyond happy. 

"Um, good." 

"Where did you go to high school?" Louis asks. 

"Somewhere in Holmes Chapel." 

"Nice. I went to Doncastor."

"Nice place. I've been through there once, I think," Harry shrugs. 

"I miss it there," Louis says. He goes there for winter break, but that's all. He loves seeing his family. 

"Are you cold?" Harry asks. 

Louis furrows his eyebrows. Where is that coming from? "Um, I guess?" 

"Just asking. You have goosebumps. Why don't you put on the jacket you brought?" Harry asks with a little frown. 

Louis didn't even realize it. He looks down at his arm and he does have goosebumps. Probably because it's getting dark, windier and colder. 

"Thanks," he laughs, putting on his jacket, staring at Harry. "I like that color on you."

"Oh. Thanks," Harry looks down at his sweater.

"Do you own a sweater in every possible color?" Louis asks. 

He shrugs. "Yeah. They are just comfortable to me." 

"Nothing wrong with that. And I like your boots, very bright," he smiles. 

"Thank you. I got them on my eighteenth birthday."

Louis smiles. Again. "Cute."

Harry blushes, looking down at his boots. 

"Games over," Liam says. 

"What?" Louis asks shocked looking at the scoreboard, "What the fuck?" 

"Come on, move, we have traffic to beat." 

Louis doesn't mean to, but he grabs Harry's wrist to pull him up. And he doesn't let it go as they walk. 

Once they are out of the stadium, Louis quickly releases it, receiving a look from Harry. 

"Should we get ice cream or something?" Liam asks. 

"Harry?" Louis turns to him. 

He shakes his head. "That's alright. I need to get home."

"Boring," Zayn mocks receiving a hit in the arm from Louis. 

"Shut up. That's okay, Harry," he says turning his attention back to him. 

He nods, looking down at his hands. 

They get back into the car, Louis talks to Liam and Zayn about the game, Harry remaining quiet. 

"Where do you live?" Zayn asks. 

"I can just walk myself home from your place, if that's alright. I like walking." 

"Want me to walk you home?" Louis asks looking at him. 

Harry doesn't make eye contact as he shakes his head. He doesn't say anything either. 

They ride in silence and once they get to their house, they all get out. 

"Well, hope you had a good time, Harry," Louis smiles. 

"I did. See you at the coffee shop," he nods softly. 

"Yeah. I'll be coffeeing." 

That earns a chuckle from Harry. He hides his chin in his sweater again. 

Louis is debating about giving him a hug. He thinks that would be a little weird now. 

But that stopped. Soon he's being shoved into Harry. 

Harry stumbles back as Louis is pushed into him, bringing his arms up to steady each other. 

Louis doesn't even look at Harry. He just turns around to see Liam chuckling. And he sprints after him. 

Liam runs into the house and Louis doesn't stop chasing him. He knows he left Harry but oh well, he's fucking pissed at Liam. 

"Louis, stop!" Liam shouts clearly scared. 

They get inside the house and Liam sprints into his bedroom, locking the door. Louis wasn't that close to him so he bangs at the door. 

"Open up fuckhead!" He shouts, knocking hardly at the door. 

"I was just messing around!" 

"Well you sure messed up everything!" Louis is mad. He doesn't want Harry to actually know he likes him. He just wants things to go slow and easy because he wants Harry to be happy, first. 

"I doubt that's true! You're fucking overreacting!" 

Louis knows he is. He just groans, storming over to the couch as Zayn walks in. 

"Jesus mate, Harry was staring at you with the widest eyes I've ever seen," he laughs plopping down next to him. 

"I'm just fucking pissed. Harry doesn't need to know I like him." 

"You're fine. Just text him or something, you didn't even really say bye properly." 

Louis gets out his phone ignoring Zayn. He goes to text Harry. 

_"Sorry mate. I got a bit of a temper , I guess. See u at the coffee shop soon"_

He stares at his phone, waiting for a reply. Harry replies in about forty minutes. 

_"See you."_

It's barley anything and he doesn't know if he's mad or not. But he knows he's not because a second later there is an emoji of a happy face being sent by Harry. 

He just chuckles, putting his phone away. He can't wait to see how things go.


	5. five

Louis still wants to get closer to Harry. He knows there is so much to him. He's absolutely intriguing. 

He was thinking all the next day. He came up with the cheesiest, and probably weirdest thing. He thinks he should get a journal. He should sit down with Harry and write with him, especially the days he isn't working. 

He doesn't know if Harry would like that, or if he would hate him for it. Louis is genuine though, it's obvious he does things out of that. Not because he's mocking anyone. 

He spends the day alone, his journal next to his coffee shop apron. Then he just watches films all day, thinking of Harry. He wonders what scenes Harry would laugh at. He wonders how he is watching movies. Like if he gets into the film a lot or not. 

He is always thinking of him. He knows it's a little strange, but he can't help himself. Harry is just... he can't even describe it. And he really doesn't know what it is about him that fascinates Louis so much. He barely knows him. 

Maybe it's because he's so gentle. His skin is absolutely flawless, green eyes glowing. His brown curls are the perfect add to him, makes him look like a model along with his body. 

Louis goes to sleep excited to see what happens with this. His little experiment with Harry. He hopes maybe he'll open up to him a little more. 

When he's at the coffee shop, he has his journal stuffed in his pants, under his apron. Probably not the best spot to put it. 

Harry comes in with a now grey sweater, smiling the second he makes eye contact with Louis. He returns it. 

He hands him the coffee, Harry with his money ready. It's become a quick process. 

Louis follows him to their spot. He likes to consider it their spot, now. 

"I got something," Louis smiles. 

He reaches under receiving a weird look from Harry. He chuckles as he pulls it out. 

"I got a journal, like you." 

Harry stares at him before shaking his head, chuckling. "Why'd you put it there?" He asks quietly. 

"Well I had no where else to stuff it. You're so interested in yours, I decided maybe I should get into one," he puts it down on the counter.

Harry nods. "Okay," he smiles shyly looking down at his hands. 

"I have no idea how these things work." 

"That's the thing, Louis. They don't really work, they just happen. Is there anything you want to write out?" He asks tilting his head. 

You. 

He wants to write all about Harry. He gasps. That's what he'll do.

Each and every fucking day. And one day, he'll let Harry read it. Then it'll make him smile. 

"It just came to me," he says excitedly. Harry chuckles. 

"That quick?" 

Harry's always on his mind. Of course that idea would come quickly.

"Didn't it for you?" Louis asks opening his first page. 

"I didn't really plan on getting one. But then I got lonely. So I guess my journal became my best friend," Harry says with a small frown. 

That makes Louis frown then. That's really sad if you put it that way. He didn't know he thought about it in that way. That only makes Louis think more. Does he only write sad things? He doesn't like the sound of that. 

"You okay?" Louis finds himself saying out loud. 

Harry furrows his eyebrows, shaking his head quickly. "Yeah, yeah, sorry." 

"I didn't mean that badly, Harry," he says reaching a hand out to put on his knee, "I'm just asking."

He looks at him. "M'fine," he mumbles out. 

"Okay, listen to me. I'm going to be finished with this journal one day. And you're going to read it. Okay?" Louis asks removing his hand. 

"Are you writing a story?" He asks with a little smile. 

"Something like that," Louis assures him. 

Harry nods, looking down at his hands, playing with his rings. He wears like three rings. 

"Are you married or something?" Louis jokes around. 

Harry looks up with a weird look. "Um, no?"

"I'm messing. You wear a lot of rings."

"Yeah," he mumbles out, "I like em," he shrugs.

"Nothing wrong with it. I like them too." 

He nods. He wonders about Harry's relationships hes had. Or hell, maybe he's in one now. What if he's not even gay? And Louis will never be with him? 

He doesn't mind being friends with Harry forever. It just sucks it's a one sided thing, then. It always will be. 

He takes a deep breath before asking. "So any relationships going on?" He asks. 

"What?" Harry asks licking his lips before looking back up. 

"Like, are you dating anyone?" Louis asks more nervous before, starting to laugh. Fuck. 

"No." 

That's good. Fuck. He's laughing now. Like full on laughing. 

"I'm sorry," he runs his hand over his face. 

"You're nervous?" Harry asks.

He releases his hand to see Harry frowning at him. He sighs. 

"I don't know. Sorry. I've never been in a relationship," Louis decides to say. It is sure. He hasn't been. 

"Really?" Harry asks surprised, "I wouldn't expect that." 

"Why?" Louis asks. 

"Um, you just, you're like really...cool," he stumbles out. That definitely made Louis happy. He knows Harry is a bit weird with wording himself, but it definitely made Louis feel something.

Louis chuckles. "Cooler than ice?" That was possibly the lamest thing he could have said. He wants to hit himself for actually saying that out loud.

Harry shakes his head a little, not saying anything.

"How about you?" Louis decides to ask, still a little embarrassed from his previous question.

He notices the change in Harry's face, how his body tightens. It wasn't the right thing to ask from what he can see. Now he feels bad, but is also scared. What happened to Harry?

"Well, like, everything was okay. It was, but things happened, and like, h-she, she, didn't--" Harry can't even finish talking. He has fucking tears in his eyes. He's about to cry. 

But he can't help but notice. He stuttered at the gender. Started out with h before switching too quickly to a she, choking up. He can't think about that now though.

Louis panics, "Oh, no, no, no," he whispers out quickly, "I shouldn't have asked anything that you don't want to talk about, it's okay, alright?" 

Harry blinks away his tears, "I just...I want to talk to you, you make talking seem so easy," he looks up to Louis so desperately. He's looking at Louis differently than he has before. Like he wants his help, or something. 

"It's okay, love," he frowns. He wants to touch his cheek so badly, but he can't. It's too weird. 

Harry squeezes his eyes shut. "I hate thinking about it. I think about it all the time," he says, voice cracking. 

"Come on, stop. Let's get your mind off it, okay? I'll take off work, this is my fault, I asked something that obviously triggered something."

"You don't--"

"I'll tell Joe I puked. He'll believe it," Louis stands up, heading over to him. 

"I threw up, I'm going home," he shouts quickly. 

"Bastard," he hears Joe call but he's already heading back to Harry. 

"We can do anything. Alright? I'm a good distracter."

Harry takes a deep breath. "I know. I have somewhere. You might think it's weird, though." 

"You think I'll think you're weird? Me?" He tries to make him laugh. It works a little. 

"Don't know," he shrugs. 

"You didn't get to drink your coffee, so bring it. Sorry that you're not writing in your journal," Louis says. 

"I can later," he says slowly, "Follow me." 

They walk and walk. It's silent. Louis wants to reach his hand out to grab Harry's. He's shaking when he walks, making Louis frown. He feels absolutely awful. 

He doesn't know what to do or where Harry is taking them. But he's nervous. 

They reach some trees and Harry starts walking in. 

"Where are we going?" Louis asks. 

"Come on," Harry says weakly, not turning around. Louis follows. 

"I've seen movies in the woods, you know. People have been murdered, or got trapped in here. What if one of us dies? Then what?" He decides to joke around. 

He wants to try and lighten the mood. He's still nervous.

He hears Harry chuckle. "It's not far in the woods. We're almost there." 

Then he sees a little creek. Harry walks over, sitting on a big rock near it. He looks at Louis with a small smile. Louis walks over and sits down next to him. 

"It's quiet here," he sighs. 

Louis stares at him while he just looks at the small, sad creek. Why does Harry like the quiet so much? Doesn't that just make your thoughts worse? He needs to stop thinking about whatever makes him so upset.

"What made you find this place?" Louis asks, finding it a bit strange to randomly come here alone. And a bit scary.

He shrugs. "I went a little insane. Ran off, tried to hide. I ended up here, and I just sat. And here we are now." 

He frowns. Insane? What the hell happened?

"I-It's nice."

Louis is worried. He doesn't want to say anything because Harry is so fragile. He can't do anything to upset him. 

"I know I might...I might seem shy. I just can't always find my words to speak. That's why I write and draw," he shrugs, "Things happened in my life and I like to forget it all in my journal. Like I'm in my own little world." 

Louis stares at him breathlessly. Harry won't look at him. 

"There's nothing wrong with that, Harry." 

He nods. "But there's you. I can't even _think_ when I'm around you. I can always think. I think too much, actually. And it's weird because it's like...you changed that," he then looks up to Louis. 

He takes a deep breath. He can't believe what Harry is actually saying. 

"Is it because I'm annoying?" He asks. He doesn't want this to be too serious on Harry. But Harry doesn't seem to mind. 

He chuckles. "It's easier to breathe out here, you know. I feel calmer," he smiles. 

"That's good." 

Fuck. Now Louis is being all weird. He doesn't know what to say. 

Harry looks back at the creek. He doesn't speak. Louis continues to stare at him. 

So he takes a deep breath himself. "You know. The first day you walked in that coffee shop, I noticed you. And I kept noticing you. I watched you the first day out of curiosity. Then it turned into a habit. You didn't show up for that week then, and I got scared you wouldn't show up again. That's why I talked to you that day." 

Harry doesn't move or say anything. It takes a while before he makes any movement. "I...I liked your smile." 

"What?" Louis asks too quickly before he can really even process what he just said. Because did he really just say that?

"I noticed your smile. I thought it was like, pretty," he mumbles out quietly. 

Louis' heart flips about twenty times. Literally. He's about to panic or something because the man he admires so much just admitted something, when all along, Louis thought it was a weird, one sided thing. 

Louis can't even speak or he'll choke on his words. He just smiles looking down at his feet. 

"Was that weird?" Harry asks after the silence. 

Louis chuckles. "No. I just don't want to embarrass myself," he then says. Because it's true. If he tries to compliment Harry to his face, or tell him what he thought about him, it would honestly just be embarrassing. Probably humiliating. 

Harry smiles at him. He then tries to hide it. Then they both turn to look at the small creek among them. 


	6. six

Louis and Harry sit there for what seems like hours. They have small talk, but mostly just sit there listening to the outdoors and their breathing. Louis doesn't mind. 

But he would hate to come out here alone. He doesn't like being alone that much, like how Harry does. It makes him sad. 

"We can get back. I am going to be going home. My mate, Niall, he's coming in town for the weekend. I'm going to be spending time with him," Harry says standing up. Louis nods. 

"So I won't be seeing you?" He doesn't not want to see Harry. He doesn't know if this means he won't be coming by.

He nods. "When I didn't come that week, he made me head down to Mullingar for his bro's wedding. He wants to head down here, now," Harry says as they start walking, "He's kind of like...a pain. In the ass. I won't be taking him anywhere."

Louis chuckles. "I'd love to meet him, though." 

Harry huffs. "He'd adore you. You and him would get along very well." 

He smiles, nodding. He's glad Harry is getting easier with conversations. "How so?"

"He's loud and happy." 

"I guess I'll take that as a compliment?" Louis laughs a little. 

Harry nods. "Yeah." 

They walk in silence until they reach the coffee shop. 

Louis turns to Harry. "So, I guess I'll see you whenever Niall is gone?" He asks. 

Harry nods. "Yeah. You will." 

Louis smiles. He wants to hug Harry, just because. They haven't really done anything like that. 

But it does look like Harry is waiting for something too. 

Louis just shrugs, reaching over and wrapping his arms above Harry's shoulders. Harry reacts quickly, swooping his arms around Louis' waist. They hug for what Louis likes to think of a good amount of time. 

They pull away and Harry just gives a shy smile before walking off. Louis starts heading home. 

Later that night Zayn comes home while Liam is out with Sophia. 

"I wish I could draw," Louis says as he writes down things about Harry in his journal. 

"I could teach you," he shrugs. 

He shakes his head. "No. You have to be born with it. I definitely wasn't born with it." 

"You could still practice. What are you doing in that journal anyways?" Zayn asks trying to read in it. 

Louis pulls it away. "For Harry." 

"Of course it is," Zayn chuckles. 

"I just think this will make him happy." 

He nods. "It will. Everything you do makes people happy, Lou. Whatever you're doing, I can already see his smile." 

Louis tries to fight a smile. That's all he wants in his life as of now. The reason behind Harry's happiness being him. 

...

Two days at the coffee shop without Harry. It's so weird. He doesn't like it at all. He has some downtime to write about Harry though. For not knowing much, he still has a lot to write. He doesn't write just about him, either. Sometimes he'll add funny stories, or nice quotes he has read on his phone. Just anything. 

"S'cuse me." 

Louis looks up to see a blond haired lad. "Yes." 

"Blue eyes," he smiles, "With the nice smile." 

He furrows his eyebrows. "If you're flirting with me, it's not working." 

"Why? You got a someone?" He asks smirking. 

Louis licks his lips, slowly shaking his head. 

"Shame. I'll have a small frap, Louis." 

He stares at him. "How do you know my name?" 

The man starts uncontrollably laughing, Louis just stares at him. He's freaked out. 

"Sorry mate. I'm Niall. Harry's friend?" He smiles. 

Oh. _Oh_.

He then laughs a little. "Oh yeah. Harry mentioned you were coming here," he stares at him a little confused, "Wait, how did you--"

"Harry mentioned you to me. Told me about the pretty boy with blue eyes and a nice smile he talks to. He's sleeping so I decided to come on down to meet you," he shrugs. 

Louis' feels his heart beating faster. _The pretty boy with blue eyes and nice smile._ Harry really said that?

"Look," Niall continues, "I'm not clueless. Harry likes to overthink things. I'm his best mate, only person he has left. You coming into his life really is different for him. He hasn't let anyone in for a while because of the ones he has lost. I'm overprotective of him because he's so fragile," he sighs. Yes. Louis knows he's fragile. He won't hurt him. What happened to him?

"I just want to make sure you know, that you won't hurt him. Because Louis, that boy has gone through more suffering than you could imagine," Niall finishes shaking his head. 

Louis frowns immediately. Suffering? What the hell happened? 

"I would never do anything," Louis says sternly, "What happened to him?" 

Niall takes a deep breath. "Stuff. I can't be the one to say. Look, I know you seem nice, I just get scared for him, you know? You have a best mate you're protective over?" 

Louis thinks back to the day a guy was harassing Zayn. Louis got so mad he stormed over there, smashing a glass on his head. It didn't end well.

"Yes, of course. Niall, I only think about Harry's happiness. It sounds weird because we recently met, but fuck. I don't know what it is about him," he shakes his head. 

Niall smiles softly. "Thank you. Harry needs someone like you. I just hope he remains okay." 

"What do you mean?" He asks worried. Remains?

"If he snaps, you have to expect it."

Snaps? "What? Harry is so gentle, he would never--"

"Trust me. Once you guys are close, he'll break. It'll be angry, or sad. Just know you have to listen and be the hand he can hold."

That's all he wants. Harry's hand belongs in Louis'. He can make him happy. 

What's there to break about? This sucks not knowing and he just wants to make it better. 

"Of course," Louis just says quietly. 

"Good. Just wanted to talk to you and meet you myself. Harry spoke fondly of you," he winks before walking away. 

Louis can't get his mind off Harry. What's so wrong with him?

Thinking about a suffocating Harry is bad. He can't possibly imagine seeing Harry break down in person. He doesn't want to see it. He just wants happiness, but you can't get the happiness without the suffering. And it sucks that life works that way. 

Louis doesn't like to think about his life too much, because honestly, he's always had a good life. Some fights then and there, but nothing so serious it drastically changed his life. He's been very lucky. 

Then there's Harry, who is the sweetest guy he's spoken to. A man so quiet, filled with so much potential who is breaking inside, finding another world to hide in just by writing in a journal.

It makes him upset. He wishes he could just snap his fingers so Harry could be happy. Hell, snap his fingers and everything in the world would be happy, if he could.

Later that night he decides to text Harry, messing around with him. He wants to be closer with him so it's sooner he can try and make him feel better. Feel happier. 

_"Pretty boy with blue eyes and a nice smile??? Ur makin me blush"_

He smiles as he waits for a reply, which comes in about ten minutes. 

_"It's true."_

Louis feels himself blushing. _"Well ur adorable. And have amazing hair."_

_"More."_

He smiles so much it hurts. _"Thats all ur getting u cheeky cunt"_

Harry sends a sad face emoji, and Louis just sends a heart back. 

 _"Sorry bout Niall. Didn't know he'd show up. What'd he say?"_  

He can't tell him. He's not like that. 

_"Just told me about the blue eyes thing and then ordered a frap. Said u were asleep"_

_"Okay. I'm drawing right now."_

_"Cool. wat u drawing?"_

_"Just someone that reminds me of the stars."_

Louis wonders who. So he asks. _"who's that?"_

_"Goodnight, Louis."_

He sighs. He wonders why he cut him off so quickly.  _"Night :)"_

He puts down his phone, looking at his journal. He decides to pick it up and write about the stars himself. 


	7. seven

Louis hasn't heard from Harry in about five days. He hasn't seen Niall either. It's Saturday now, and thankfully, Harry comes strolling into the coffee shop. 

Louis smiles immediately, starting his coffee. "Long time no see, curly," he smiles when Harry approaches. 

He laughs nervously, "Yeah."

"How was your week?" He hands Harry his coffee, walking over.

"Fine. Yours?" 

"Boring without talking to you," he smiles. 

Harry nods. "Same." 

"So what did you and Niall do? He's a really nice lad. Good friend to have, it seems," he adds.

"Yeah. He's a good friend. We didn't do too much. He always likes going to bars so we did that," he shrugs.

"I'd love to see you drunk," Louis tells him trying to picture it. Harry seems like he'd be a fun drunk, but maybe a very sad drunk. 

"I'd love to see you drunk," Harry mumbles out quietly looking him in the eyes. 

Louis chuckles. "It's a date then?" He makes a joke. 

Harry doesn't laugh, he just stares nervously before laughing.

"No. Let me take you to dinner," he says looking down at his hands.

What a minute. Did he just ask him on a date? Like an actual date?

"Alright. I do like some food," Louis says smiling, tilting his head a little to try to get Harry to look at him. 

He sighs, looking up. "Um, I don't know if you'll be considering this a date...b-but I am. I will be considering it a like, date. So if you are too, then I guess that's good." 

Harry then smacks his hands over his face, trying to hide. Louis smiles so hard to the point it hurts bad. 

But holy shit. He didn't even have to be the one to ask Harry out. He's shocked, absolutely shocked. Harry who always gets lost at his words, just asked Louis on a date. The man he's been wanting to ask out for months. He finally did. 

"I've been wanting this for the longest time, Harry. Of course I'm considering it a date," he gently places his hands around Harry's wrists. He pulls his hands down, looking at Louis with a shy smile. 

He lets out a shaky breath. "That was incredibly hard." 

"It's done now. Where are we going?" Louis leans back in his seat. 

"I don't know. Maybe like, a fancy place? But not too fancy? We could like...do you want to pick a place?" Harry asks nervously.

"Yeah. I got a place we can go to. When are we going?" He smiles. 

"Um, whenever you would like." 

"Seven. Everybody goes on dates at about seven."

Harry chuckles. "Okay." 

"Go on, write in your journal. See you tonight," he smiles walking back off to work. 

He can't believe this. At all. 

...

Louis is beyond panicked. Harry is picking him up soon and he's been throwing on so many clothes and none of them look right. He's so nervous. He hasn't been this nervous in his entire life. He shouldn't be, but he is.

"That one looks fine, stop changing!" Zayn shouts stopping him from taking it off. 

"But--"

"No. Keep it. It really brings out your eyes, stop this," he rolls his eyes. Louis sighs. 

"I just need to look good," he frowns. 

Louis has always been a little insecure about himself, although he never speaks about it. 

He hates how short he is. Hates the little fat on his stomach. He also hates his nose more than anything. 

"You look lovely," Zayn smiles.

He takes a deep breath. "This is my first proper date, you know. With a guy I really like."

"I know, Lou. It'll be fine, just act like you're at the coffee shop." 

That's what Louis was planning on doing. It's just going to be them in a different spot and different clothes. Nothing has to change. 

He's just nervous because this has to mean Harry likes him too...right? He can't mess anything up. 

There's a knock on the door and Zayn smiles from his seat on Louis' bed. "Break a leg." 

He smiles at him before going to open the door. He starts laughing, of course. 

"Sorry," he giggles as he opens the door. But he stops the second he sees Harry because wow. 

It's weird not seeing him in a sweater. He's dressed with a little flower on the top of his black button up. He looks absolutely lovely. 

Louis and Harry both go to talk at the same time, but end up laughing. 

"You first," Harry says.

"You look incredible," he breathes out. 

"I was going to say the same thing," he smiles. 

"That's a little self conceited, don't ya think?" Louis smirks joking as they start to walk out the door. 

"Oh, my, no. I meant you, I didn't--"

"I know. I'm joking," Louis laughs as Harry mouths an oh.

Louis gets to his seat in the car and Harry gets in too, but he smacks his head on the top of the car, mumbling a quiet crap. 

Louis chuckles. "You alright?" 

Harry is rubbing his head as he gets into his seat. "M'fine." 

"You do that a lot?" He asks. 

"Sometimes. Of course I had to do it now," he mumbles starting the car. 

"You know where to go right?" Louis asks. 

He nods. "Looked it up before I came here." 

"Good. Didn't want to get lost or anything." 

"That wouldn't be the worst thing," Harry says quietly. 

Louis turns to stare at him. He stares blankly at the road ahead of them. "What do you mean?" 

"Haven't you ever just wanted to get lost, Louis?" He asks with no emotion.

Louis can't ever say he has. He really hasn't. He lives a good life. There's no reason to get lost. It makes him sad that Harry wants to. 

"Can't say I have. Why have you wanted to get lost?" Louis says it too quickly. He didn't want to ask this because it might trigger Harry. Fuck, he always talks too fast before thinking. 

"I have my reasons," he whispers. Louis frowns. 

"We could always run off together," Louis decides to say. 

They get at a red light, stopping. Harry turns to look at him, smiling. "Maybe." 

Louis nods, going to turn on the radio. There's a CD in, immediately playing a song Louis doesn't know.

"Who's this?" He asks. 

"It's a band called Augustana. One of my favorites. What music do you like?" 

"Any, really. My music is all over the place. What about you?" 

"Me too. It's good that way. I love having a variety to listen to," Harry agrees.

He wants to know more. He wants to know more about what Harry likes. There's so much to him. He seems to be interested in a lot of things. Louis wants to know all.

"Yeah. What about books? I'm not much of a reader, but if you're interested in any specific, I'll be willing to give it a try," he decides to say. 

They pull up the restaurant, and Harry gets out immediately, Louis following. They get to a table, sitting down. Harry looks up at Louis before looking at his menu.

"I have two all time favorites. Another Day, and Looking for Alaska," Harry continues. Louis is a bit surprised he actually continued, he thought he forget Louis asked him as they arrived since he didn't answer.

"Do you have them?"

"Yeah. I have copies I could lend you," he smiles, picking up his menu.

They don't talk as they look through their menus. Once the waitress comes and gets their orders, Louis stares at Harry who is playing with his rings.

"Is that what you do when you're nervous?" He asks.

Harry looks up. "Um, what?"

"Play with your rings? Like how I laugh?" He raises his eyebrows.

Harry chuckles. "I guess. Yeah."

"Cute," Louis smiles at him.

Harry shrugs. "It's always been a habit of mine," he frowns looking down.

Louis stares at him. Why does he look so sad? He wants to ask but decides against it.

"So, how'd you meet Niall?" He asks, "He's clearly Irish."

Harry frowns. Why is he frowning? "I don't remember," he mumbles quietly, turning his straw around in his drink. 

"That's okay. I don't remember meeting Liam and Zayn because we were all drunk and then ending up having a little sleepover together. We remained friends," he shrugs. 

Harry nods. "That's nice." 

Why is he upset now?

"Am I ever going to hear one of those jokes?" He asks. He tries so hard to get Harry's mind off whatever is upsetting him. 

He looks up and shrugs. "Still has to be in the moment."

"Damn. I'm so tired of waiting," he does a very dramatic sigh. Harry chuckles. 

"Sorry." 

"I used to tell some pretty good jokes in high school. I was hilarious, believe it or not," he laughs. 

Harry chuckles. "It's obvious you would be like, the class clown, I think." 

Louis smiles. "Why's that?" 

He shrugs, blushing a little. "Silly." 

He laughs. "Silly. Is that your way of describing me? Really?" 

"No. Other things, too," he says quietly. 

"Then tell them all," he rests his hand on his cheek, blinking his eyes dreamily. 

"I suddenly forgot them," he tries to joke quietly.

Louis smiles. "Is that supposed to be funny?" He laughs. 

Harry shrugs. "I don't know. Are you laughtose intolerant?" 

He stares at him. Was that just a pun? Did Harry just make the stupidest pun he's ever heard? He then starts laughing. "That was so dumb," he says out loud.

Harry blushes, laughing slightly, "You didn't have to laugh then."

Louis shakes his head, smiling at him admiringly. "You are something else."

"Hm?" He asks tilting his head. 

How does Harry not understand? Louis is obsessed with him. He'd do anything for him, honestly.

"I adore you, Harry. Absolutely adore you."

Harry gulps, looking down to play with his rings again. It's quiet for a while.

They get their food and eat in silence until Louis breaks the silence.

"Are you any good at drawing? Honestly?" He asks.

He shrugs. "M'not sure. Why?"

"Zayn's amazing, so I'd like to just see your work, you know?"

He nods. "I have something I drew this week. I can show you. It's in my car," he says shyly.

"Of course. I'd love that," Louis smiles.

"You can't laugh," Harry says quickly, "At the like, drawing I drew."

"I won't. Remember? I'm laughtose intolerant?"

That makes Harry laugh, like, really laugh. So Louis smiles.

"Hey."

"Hey," he smiles.

Harry rolls his eyes. "Behave."

"But I am?" He laughs, confused on why Harry said that.

He shrugs. "You can't repeat my jokes. I only could say them."

"Fine. I apologize. Kind of."

Harry narrows his eyes at him.

They argue about who's paying. Harry says he is because he asked him but Louis says no because he suggested this place. They decided to just split the money since they weren't going to be leaving anytime soon if they kept it up.

They get into the car and Harry just stares at Louis. He starts giving him a questioning look. 

"Is there like something wrong with my face?" Louis asks. 

He smiles, reaching up to pull out a piece of paper from his car. He looks at it before shyly handing it to Louis. 

It's of Louis' face structure. And Harry drew stars along the inside of his face, some outside as well. He can't describe it, but it's absolutely beautiful. It's almost leaving him speechless. He knew Harry would be good, but this is just something else. It's beyond good, it's better than anything he's ever seen. 

It's so simple, but it's so amazing. He can't believe he is capable of this. He has a real talent.

He looks up at Harry who is playing with his rings, but thankfully watching Louis. 

"Harry, I...I honestly have no words," he shakes his head looking back at the drawing of him. 

"Sorry if you think that it's weird, I just got the idea so I wanted to draw it. I wasn't planning on showing you, but I don't know, sorry," he mumbles. 

Louis looks at him. He reaches over the car, pulling Harry into a hug. He pushes his head into his neck, feeling his curls on his face. He just wants to hug him and never, ever, let him go. The drawing is too much. "I love it so much. I can't believe you took the time to do this."

"I had to. My two favorite things. The stars and you," he says quietly into Louis' ear.

He freezes in the hug, pulling back. "Really? You like the stars?" He asks. 

"A-And you..." He says with flushed cheeks. Louis just laughs, shaking his head. 

"Too adorable, Harry. Thank you, again," he hands him back the drawing. 

Harry looks at it before putting it away. "I drew it in my car so I just keep it in here. It's one of my favorite things I've ever done," he says quietly. 

"It's incredible. What other things do you draw?" He asks. 

"I like drawing things that appeal to my eyes. The stars, trees, anything really." 

 _Appeal to my eyes._ So Louis appeals to him. He's beyond happy at this moment. 

"I had fum tonight," Louis says as he starts driving him home.

"Yeah. I did too." 

It's silent up until he reaches Louis' house. He turns to look at Harry with a smile. 

"Goodnight. Sleep tight, alright?" Louis raises his eyebrows. 

"Course. Night," Harry smiles a little. 

Louis looks at him. He didn't tell him he likes him too.

"By the way. I like you too," he gives a smile before getting out and walking into his house. 

Liam and Zayn immediately are asking questions, but Louis just goes in the bathroom to take a shower. He sits in there, thinking nonstop about Harry and what he can do to give this beautiful boy nonstop happiness.


	8. eight

It's been a month since their first date. They have just hung out at the coffee shop, talking more and more. Neither of them have asked for another date. There's really no reason behind it, Louis just doesn't want to ask because he doesn't want to put Harry on the spot if he doesn't want to go on another. 

Louis has learned that Harry lives alone in his apartment, and that his favorite color is rainbow and black, if that's even a possibility. He learned that his favorite thing to do besides writing in his journal is to take pictures on his phone. He likes anything artsy, really. His favorite movie is Fox and the Hound, which Louis doesn't understand because that's the saddest movie ever. 

Harry is really touchy about certain things. Louis mentioned his family and he left. He never leaves early. There has to be something seriously wrong with them. He felt bad so he never mentioned it again. 

It's Saturday and Harry didn't show up at the coffee shop, which made Louis really nervous. He wants to text him so badly, but he knows he can't because what if he looks too creepy? He will do it if he doesn't show up next time. 

Louis goes home once his job is done and he takes a shower. He thinks back to the last time Harry was at the coffee shop. 

He did seem really antsy. He was more quiet but still talked. Louis just figured it was maybe an off day. Now he's starting to think if he knew he had to do something bad today. 

He just wishes he could do something about it, maybe go to his apartment to check up on him. Louis just overthinks things about this which sucks. Harry probably wouldn't mind. 

There's knocking on the bathroom door so Louis stops the shower. 

"What?" He shouts annoyed. 

"You might wanna get out here," Zayn says. 

Louis furrows his eyebrows, getting dressed and drying his hair with a towel a little bit. 

He peaks out his head. "Yeah?" 

"I was going to go out to get us some food and Harry was just sitting on the steps. I asked him if he wanted to come in and he said no. So I don't know what's going on with him," he says shaking his head. 

Louis just stares at him a little before going to go out himself to see Harry. 

He opens the door and sure enough Harry is sitting on the steps by himself. He frowns. 

"Harry?"

He doesn't turn around so Louis walks down to sit next to him. He sits down close. 

"What's wrong?" He asks trying to look at his face, "Why didn't you knock to come in?" 

"I didn't want to bother you. He used to hate it when I was sad," he mumbles out, twisting his rings. 

Who would hate it when he was sad? What the hell, who would ever hate it when somebody is sad? "Who?" He asks quietly. 

"It's been a year," he says looking at Louis quickly, tears just in his eyes before looking back down, "A year." 

"Harry, darling, you're going to have to elaborate for me," Louis frowns. He feels absolutely horrible because he has no idea what he is talking about. 

"I just don't want to bother you. You'll leave me." 

That's when Louis gets pissed off. Well, not really. But he's pissed off at how Harry is saying all this because who would ever fucking leave Harry? That's why he's so fucking sad, is it?

Louis doesn't hesitate. He pulls Harry's hands away from messing around with another, putting Harry's hand in his own, squeezing tightly. "I'd never do that," he says giving another assuring squeeze.

Harry looks at their intertwined hands before looking into his eyes. "But how are you so sure?"

"I'm more than sure. What's bothering you? I'm here. Always." He asks tilting his head. 

That's when Harry makes a little face, trying to hold back his tears. He looks away, burying his chin into his chest. He cries. 

Louis releases his hand so he can wrap his arm around Harry, bringing him close to him. He feels so fucking awful, there's nothing worse than seeing Harry like this. He wants to help so bad but it's so hard. 

Harry doesn't talk. He just cries as Louis holds him, and he doesn't mind. 

"My parents died a year ago." 

Louis' heart sinks. 

He pulls Harry off just so he can look at his face. "Harry, I'm--"

"Shh," he mumbles out squeezing his eyes shut. Louis stops talking. 

It's quiet. Such a terrible quiet until Harry finally breaks it. 

"I was in the backseat. We were just going to a movie because we did family stuff all of the time. I don't know. A car hit us out of nowhere. We flipped a few times and I just remember I was terrified. I couldn't even think as they moved us out and brought us to the hospital. I wasn't too badly injured, just hit my head on the window with some pieces of glass in spots of my body. My parents weren't buckled," he plays with his rings again, "I just...when they told me..." He bites his bottom lip, squeezing his whole face again. Louis rubs his arm. 

Louis wants to cry but he knows he can't. He just hates seeing Harry like this more than anything, hates knowing what he went through. 

"I...I had this boyfriend. Nick. He was good to me, always cared. Then this happened. He was upset for me at first, of course. Was there for me. Then weeks went by and I was still sad. He wanted me to move on. But, I couldn't. How was I just supposed to move on? He started distancing himself from me and I needed someone. I didn't tell Niall because I don't know. I didn't want to like bother him and make him come from Mullingar even though I wanted it more than anything." 

That hits Louis. He literally didn't want to be a bother with his sadness. But that's what he needed. He knows Niall wouldn't have cared, the lad cares for Harry more than anything from what he saw.

Harry continues. "One night I was worst than ever, I don't know. So I went to Nick's house because he wasn't answering me. It's been weeks since we really spoke. I knocked on his door, took a while for him to answer. He came eventually, shirtless. I started to think...but I couldn't think it was true. He started to yell at me. Yelled at me for looking at him with those sad eyes. He said I can't fix any of this and you're not going to ever recover. He said he didn't want to deal with me like this because it was so annoying and embarrassing. Then that's when I heard a girl asking who was at the door," he shrugs a little. 

Louis' blood boils. How could someone be so fucking heartless? He's going to be sick. Fuck, he doesn't even know how to react. Harry, who is the sweetest guy in the world, was dealing with something more painful than ever didn't know how to cope. His own boyfriend didn't like how sad he was so he cheated on him. He was too worried to call Niall because he didn't want to lose him as well. 

"I went home and I did call Niall. He came down right away. He wasn't even mad that I didn't tell him what happened. He was just...there for me. So yeah, I j-just. It's..."

Louis isn't going to say he's sorry. He can't bring himself to say it for some reason. "It's alright Harry. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere," he rubs his arm some more. 

He lets out a shaky sigh. "You're too good for this world, Louis. You...you know that?" He asks looking him in the eyes. 

Louis frowns. He stands up, reaching out his hand for Harry. "Come on. I have something we can do." 

Harry stares at him before grabbing his hand, allowing him to pull him up. "Wait here. I'll be right back," Louis says running into the house. 

Zayn is questioning him but he just ignores him. He grabs a key, some hats and gloves, and two blankets before running back out to Harry who is standing there, arms behind his back.

"Alright, let's go," he smiles. 

"Where are we going?" He asks, looking beyond confused.

"I'm kind of going to be like willy wonka tonight, okay?" Louis laughs. 

He doesn't want Harry upset. And he doesn't want Harry thinking he's going to pity him completely. Of course he feels worse than anything knowing what happened to him, he can't stop thinking about it. But he doesn't want Harry to think about it. He doesn't want Harry to be upset. So he's going to help him forget about it tonight.

"Okay," Harry giggles. 

Once they are at the coffee shop, Louis starts unlocking it but Harry stops him. 

"Can't you get in trouble for this?" He asks quietly. 

He shrugs. "You can't get in trouble if you don't get caught, right?" He smiles. 

Harry looks a little worried but just nods his head. 

Louis dims the lights a little, walking towards the back. "You don't know what's behind here, I'm guessing?" He asks knocking on the freezer door. 

"Um, no. I don't know," he furrows his eyebrows. 

He hands Harry the key for it. "You unlock it." 

Harry smiles slightly as he grabs it, going to unlock it. He opens it and he starts laughing. 

Louis puts his hand on Harry's back, gently pushing him inside. 

It's where they stuff all tubs of ice cream. Any possible flavor you can imagine is all stuck in here. 

He hands Harry his hat, gloves, and blanket, smiling. 

Harry stares him in the eyes before grabbing it. He puts it on as Louis does the same.  

Louis hurries out, grabbing two spoons before running back in. "What's your favorite flavor?" He asks. 

"Bubblegum," he smiles. 

Louis goes and grabs the bubblegum tub, handing it to Harry with his spoon. Harry grabs it, biggest smile on his face as he goes to sit down. Louis grabs his tub of birthday cake. 

"Isn't this a dream come true?" Louis laughs, "I've always wanted to do this." 

"It is, it's crazy," Harry smiles widely at Louis. He's glad to see that. 

"So, Harry, tell me what's on your mind right now," Louis says eating his ice cream. 

Harry stares at him from across the freezing floor in his silly hat and gloves, blanket wrapped around him. He smiles, "You." 

Louis tilts his head, wide smile. "That's crazy. You're on my mind too! Small world, ain't it?" 

Harry's smile slowly fades as he just stares at Louis. He eats out of his ice cream. 

Louis breaks the silence again. "Life is going to be filled with disappointments, Harry. It just sucks what some go through and what others don't. But if you're here now, there's always a reasoning behind it. Life won't be sad forever. Here, think of it this way. There's a time you might get your feet stuck in mud, right? But you'll get out of it. You'll pull your foot right out of the mud and that boot. And you'll keep walking forward, leaving them behind." 

Harry stares at him, not saying anything. Did Louis screw up again? Fuck, he tried to help him out but only made things worse. 

Harry then starts scooting his butt over, he moves to sit right next to Louis. He rests his ice cream down, putting his head on Louis shoulder. He cuddles him. 

Louis puts his head against the top of Harry's curls. Maybe he said the right thing. 

"Thank you," he hears Harry mumble. 

"Now, Harry, you don't want your ice cream to melt. Wait, just kidding, it can't," he tries to joke. 

Harry laughs, nuzzling his head a little more before going back into his ice cream. 

They silently eat until Harry says he's getting too cold. They put back everything where it was from, before exiting the coffee shop. 

They get outside of it, and Louis looks at him. "You alright? Things a bit better?" 

Harry nods. "Yes." 

"Good. Sleep tight for me?" He asks. 

That's when Harry just wraps his arms around Louis. He squeezes him so tight Louis croaks out a little noise because he practically choked him. 

Louis hugs him back though, happy Harry's feeling a bit better. 

"Goodnight," Harry mumbles in his ear before pulling away, and just walking away. He doesn't look at Louis again.

He watches Harry walk away a bit before turning around himself. He doesn't stop thinking of him.


	9. nine

"Please?" Harry begs, lips pouted. 

Louis chuckles. "No, no way," he bites his bottom lip shaking his head. 

"Why not?" Harry frowns. 

"I don't wear that stuff," he shrugs, stuffing his hands back into his pockets. Harry sighs, looking back in the window at the mannequin with this weird patterned shirt. 

"I think it would look really nice on you," he continues.

Louis and Harry have been hanging out for a couple days now since Harry explained to him about his parents. Right now it's Sunday and they are just walking around town with their coffees. Harry isn't drinking his, obviously waiting for it to get cold. 

Louis finds it cute. He never thought people really liked cold coffee that much. It never came across his mind because well, it's a warm drink. 

He drinks his as Harry just holds his own in his large hands. Louis was able to notice a little cross tattoo by his thumb, which he kind of adores in a strange way. 

"I never noticed you have a tattoo," he says pointing it out. 

Harry looks down, smiling. "Yeah. I got it when I came here, actually," he shrugs, "Basically there for my parents, considering all that happened, I like to think God is still good. That he's taking good care of my parents." 

Louis frowns. For being so sad he always seems to have positive outlooks on things. It makes Louis upset for some reason. 

"Of course, Harry. Everyone's looking down on you." 

Harry pouts out his lips before licking them. "Do you believe in Heaven?" 

He sighs. He really hasn't ever believed in Heaven. Louis doesn't have a positive outlook on that kind of things. He just believes that when you die, you're dead. He doesn't want to upset Harry, but he'd never lie to him, no matter what the subject is.

He takes a deep breath and before he speaks Harry stops walking to speak himself. 

"You don't believe in it, do you?" Harry asks tilting his head. 

Louis frowns a little. "I never did."

"How come?" Harry asks. He doesn't seem mad or annoyed. He just looks beyond curious, like his life depends on this. 

"I don't know. I don't see what's the point in death besides overpopulation. Like death can't be a good thing so why would you be rewarded somewhere when life is the most valuable?" 

Harry nods slowly like he's really thinking about what he just said. 

He takes Louis' hand, bringing them to a small little shop with tables outside. They sit down. Harry leans forward, placing his coffee down. He folds his hands together. 

"You realize that there has to be a point to death, right?" He asks. 

Louis makes a face. "I don't think there is one. People fear it, some don't. It has to be the same for everybody. I think it's just a peaceful sleep. Once you're done, that's it." 

Harry stares at him. "But life is just something you live out. When it's your time God will take you, and I know...that place he takes you has to be beautiful. You're basically living to die, Louis. You live life the way you want until something takes you. Then you start a better life in Heaven surrounded with good things," Harry says with so much passion Louis can't believe it. He has never put this much thought into death or the afterlife before. 

"But what about reincarnation? That's a possibility, too?" He asks. 

Harry shakes his head. "I believe being a human if any of that is true, is the last step before your peace. Your heaven." 

"You really have thought about this, haven't you?" Louis asks a bit surprised. 

He takes a deep breath. "It's kind of hard not to when the two most important people in your entire life are experiencing whatever happens after death." 

Louis makes a sad face, reaching out his hand to place on top of Harry's. He didn't realize what he has been saying because of his parents. "I'm sorry." 

"It's alright," he bites the insides of his cheeks, "But I'm just so into this stuff."

Louis watches him closely. He gets scared. He doesn't know why, but is Harry like actually into...dying?

"I hate asking it flat out like this, Harry, but I need to or it'll bother me. You've never thought about like..." He hopes Harry will get the hint. 

He just chuckles, shaking his head. "No, Louis. I never have. When my parents died though, I did wish I died with them. But I would never try anything. Life's a gift. You can't just take it away." 

He sighs a relief. He didn't think so. He was just worried. "Okay." 

Harry leans back a little, removing his hand from Louis'. "It doesn't make sense to me about why certain people are taken away at certain times, and that bothers me so much."

"What if everyone lived until ninety. The minute you turned ninety, you died."

Harry nods. "That's too stressful then, at eighty nine. You know that this is your last year. You can't know when you're going to die." 

"Some people do," Louis brings his legs up to his chest. 

"Others don't. Again, death just comes upon us. It's the afterlife that really matters." 

"What do you think Heaven is like? Rainbows and clouds?" Louis asks curiously. Not trying to make fun of him, or anything. 

He smiles. "No. I think Heaven is just like earth. Just more peaceful." 

Louis nods. "Interesting." 

"Again. You live life to die. There's a reasoning behind it all that one day we will all find out," he says picking up his coffee before drinking out of it. 

Louis just stares at Harry. The way the sleeves on his sweater cover up his hands all the time. How delicately he's drinking his cold coffee. He adores him every second. 

Louis doesn't even realize how weirdly he must be staring at him. But he knows once Harry gives him a look. 

"What?" He asks furrowing his eyebrows. Harry never mentions anything when Louis is staring. And he stares a lot. 

"Nothing. M'just think you're beautiful, that's all. In every way possible," Louis admits shyly. He rests his chin on his knees. 

Harry blushes, looking down at his coffee. "Um, thanks." 

Louis chuckles, closing his eyes. He's so damn tired. 

"You look small." 

He opens his eyes giving Harry a glare. "I don't like being called small," he mumbles. Harry frowns right away.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know, Lou. Why not?" 

Louis has to chuckle. Harry always gets so worried too quickly. "Love, it's alright. I'm just insecure about my height, that's all." 

He furrows his eyebrows. "Why?" 

He gives Harry a look like he's stupid. "Because I'm short? No one likes a short guy, especially one with some flubs too," he puts down his legs, lightly patting his stomach with a wide smile. 

"Louis--"

He laughs. "You don't need to say anything to try and prove me wrong. You can't change the way I look. I don't care, it just sucks sometimes, you know? I feel so inferior to people."

Harry tilts his head. "That's beyond false, Louis, you're not inferior at all just because of a size and shape, which by the way, is not a problem in the least bit."

Louis doesn't want to talk about this with Harry. Shit, he's never mentioned this to anybody. He doesn't know why he had to mention it to Harry now. He feels like he's begging Harry to compliment him now. He doesn't like being that kind of person.

"Sorry I said that," he mumbles, "Didn't really mean to."

"I don't mind," Harry says leaning forward, "I think you're beautiful though, as well, Lou. In every way possible."

Louis can't help but smile wide. He shyly chuckles, running his hand over his face. "I need to get home. Promised Zayn and Liam I'd help them paint something," he stands up.

Harry joins him. "Alright. I can walk with you back."

He gets an idea. "You're good at art. You can always join us."

"Oh no--"

"Don't say no, seriously. You're fine, this will be fun," Louis elbows his side. He chuckles.

"Fine."

They walk in silence to their house before Louis opens the door and his eyes widen because he wasn't expecting this. At all.

There is this large as board, God knows what you call it, but it takes up probably two beds. It's on the floor, couch and table moved over so it fits.

"What the hell are you doing?" Louis asks.

Liam smiles. "It's for Sophia's birthday, remember? She loves paintings." 

Liam and Sophia have been going out for months now. Louis has met her a few times, especially at bars. She's a nice girl, she's kind of weird though. Well, Louis shouldn't be talking. 

Louis rolls his eyes. "Disgusts me."

He looks back at Harry who stares at all the supplies, completely in awe. He looks so happy. It's crazy how stuff like this effects him so largely.

"You can take my spot. I'll sit back and relax," he puts his hand on Harry's back.

"Oh no. You're helping," Harry smiles as he grabs Louis' hand.

That's something he seems to notice about Harry. He loves grabbing Louis' hand when he's excited about things. It couldn't be cuter.

He brings them over and Zayn walks in. He smiles looking at the two of them.

"Hey Harry, glad you're joining," he smiles, "So, basically, just splatter random paint all over. I'm covering the couch and stuff now so paint doesn't get anywhere."

Louis nods and Harry is already dragging them to all the colors.

"You're doing blue," he smiles, handing Louis that color.

"And you green?" Louis asks.

Harry shakes his head. "I'm starting off with black."

"Why are we splattering paint?" Louis asks turning to Liam ignoring why the hell Harry chose black.

"She likes that kind of art, I don't know. She'll think it's funny and cute, especially knowing we all did it," Liam shrugs.

"I like that concept," he turns to see Harry smiling widely. He chuckles at him and Harry looks at him.

Louis reaches his hand up, ruffing it in Harry's hair. He shyly pulls away, trying to fix his curls.

Zayn and Liam pick out their colors and they immediately start tossing paint. Louis joins them but Harry just watches.

Louis turns to look at Harry who is just staring at the painting.

"Harry, you're not getting anything done by watching," he says.

"I'm deciding."

He stares at him, huffing a little before continuing.

Soon, Harry joins, really specific on where he puts his black paint. He doesn't put much on, but it's interesting how he does it. Louis can't explain, but he puts it in weird spots. He grabs different colors, currently on red when Louis wants to start messing around. He can never be serious long.

"Hey Harry," Louis smirks. Harry turns quickly and Louis puts out his brush so it catches Harry's nose. He immediately crunches his nose, and Louis, fuck, he actually awes out loud. He never fucking--

He hears Zayn and Liam burst out laughing. 

"Did you just fucking awe at him?"

Louis rolls his eyes, turning back to Harry who is just smiling wide, dimples and everything at him. 

"You got a little paint there," Louis says, reaching his brush up, tapping his nose again as he says this. Harry scrunches his face again, pulling away.

"Stop," he giggles out, "It's cold."

Louis turns his cheek a little, pointing to it. "Quick. I'm giving you a chance."

He feels the cold paint on his cheek so he quickly reacts by swinging his arm up to smack Harry's cheek with his paintbrush then. Harry screams.

"Guys, stop," he hears Liam complain but he ignores him.

He knocks Harry on the ground, but Harry's strong and immediately flips him so he's now on top and he puts the paintbrush on Louis' nose, bringing it down and smearing it all over his lips, smiling uncontrollably.

Louis quickly pushes him off, running and grabbing the green bucket of paint.

He hears Liam gasp as Zayn is just laughing.

"Louis don't you dare! You're going to fucking ruin the floors someh--"

But Harry just quickly stands up, sprinting out the house. Louis quickly follows. Harry is screaming when Louis reaches him, grabbing his arm so he stops running, dumping the paint all over him. 

Harry gasps, turning to face Louis completely. 

"You're ridiculous!" He shouts, removing the paint from his eyes. 

"You're going to be all dried up and green," he chuckles, throwing the paint can on the ground. 

They laugh and don't stop. Harry continues wiping off some of the paint on his face, the paint drying up in his hair. 

"That's going to be hard to get out," Louis points out. 

"Thanks for the consideration," Harry mumbles out with a chuckle. 

"Zayn and Liam are going to kill me. Not my fault they know I can't be serious," he shrugs. 

Harry smiles widely, before staring at Louis, small paint splatters now on his face. 

"That's what I like about you," he shrugs, "You make me feel different than anybody in my entire life. I can't explain it, Lou. You just have this incredible effect, you don't even try," he breathes out shaking his head. 

Louis wants to fucking kiss Harry. He has been wanting this for the longest time. But he's been too scared. Now he's not. 

"You know what green and red make?" He asks, tilting his head. 

Harry smiles lightly before slowly shaking his head. "Show me." 

Louis stares at him with a wide smile himself before getting on his toes to place a kiss on Harry's lips. 

Just like he imagined, he doesn't care how cheesy it sounds, but he knows what it is. It's completely magically.


	10. ten

Louis is sick. He's supposed to go to work today but he's too sick. He has the stomach flu. 

He doesn't know what it's from. Maybe it's from the stupid paint that got in his mouth with that whole Harry situation. 

He's not complaining though. At all. 

After the kiss Liam saw, he made them come back inside. They finished painting then they all watched a movie together. Harry went home early and it was probably the most awkward Louis has ever gotten. 

_"Well I hope you had fun," Louis smiles at him._

_Harry nods. "I did. Thank you," he smiles back._

_Louis nods. "Um, good painting today," he holds out his hand to give Harry a high five._

_What? Why the hell is he giving Harry a high five?_

_Harry just laughs, high fiving him. "Thanks. Bye, Louis."_

_Louis just stares confused as he closes the door._

_He turns around to see Liam and Zayn laughing._

_"Good painting today, Liam!" Zayn sticks his hand up for a high five. Liam smacks it._

_"Oh, thank you, Zaynie."_

_"I fucking hate you guys. Pricks," Louis mumbles before walking into the bathroom._

Yeah so Louis didn't exactly know what to do. He wanted to kiss him but he just went a little blank. 

He's cuddled up in bed with a small garbage can. He keeps throwing up, can't even make it to the toilet so may as well just keep that in there. 

It's past eight so Harry is probably at the coffee shop, beyond confused. 

Louis hasn't missed one day of work. He tends to be very good with that stuff. He's always keeping his word. He would have went into work if it was a cold, like he always does. 

But he can't exactly work while puking. 

Liam and Zayn are never home. Like ever. He doesn't even know where they head off to half the time. They just leave. But they all hang out at night, which he guesses is all that matters. 

He hears his phone go off and he groans going to pick it up. He looks to see a text from Harry, immediately getting butterflies in his stomach like a child. 

_"Where are you?"_

_"home, sick, stomach bug. u get ur coffee alrite?"_

He thinks about Harry looking all confused when Louis isn't at his normal spot. Just because he's never missed a day. 

_"A guy I've never seen made it. Tastes awful...how'd you get the stomach bug?"_

He chuckles. Why would he know how he got it? But he can use this as the opportunity to mess around a bit. 

_"thinking it was the paint !! :)"_

He starts feeling sick again, immediately putting his phone down to do what he has to. It's absolutely nasty. His phone buzzes off as he does so. Once he's finished, he picks it back up to answer Harry.

_"Haha...have you eaten or drank anything today?"_

_"no,have been in bed all morning"_

_"Can I come over?"_

Louis sighs. He doesn't want Harry seeing him like this, but he would really love his company. Harry wouldn't offer if he didn't want to. 

_"u sure? I'm not lookin or feeling the best, obviously"_

_"Yeah. Be there in a bit. x"_

He smiles at Harry's little x before putting his phone down. He impatiently waits for Harry to arrive. 

It's a while until he does. There's a little knock, then the sound of the door being opened. Louis peaks his head up from his pillow and behind his blankets. He sees Harry walking in with some snacks and one of those healthy waters, whatever you call them.

"Hey," he smiles walking in the room, "I brought you some good things to eat and drink with the stomach flu." 

Louis smiles at him. He couldn't possibly get better than this if he tried. 

"Thanks. You didn't have to do this," Louis attempts to sit up.

"No, it's alright. I know the stomach bug sucks. I won't mind keeping you some company, either," he smiles sitting down at the edge of Louis' bed, by his feet. 

Louis stares at him. "You sure you want to sit on the bed and not like, a chair? I puke a lot and it's going to gross you out." 

He laughs. "No it's okay. It won't gross me out, I'm not really like that. Here," he puts the snacks on the bed, "I brought some crackers and applesauce. Also some water." 

He smiles at the thought of Harry doing all of this. He wonders if he went out and just bought these for him.

"I'll just eat crackers now, thank you Harry, you didn't have to do all of this," he goes to reach for them. 

Harry puts down Louis' arms. "No, relax, here," he reaches over to hand them to him laying down. 

"You're the best," Louis mumbles going to open his crackers. 

"When is the last time you threw up?" Harry asks. 

"About when I was texting you." 

"Oh. Should I be offended then?" Harry tries to joke. 

Louis laughs a little, biting into a cracker. "Maybe." 

"Don't you want to watch a movie?" He asks going to turn on Louis' TV. 

"Yeah. I just didn't have the remote near me and I didn't want to stand up to turn it on," he says shrugging a little. 

Harry puts it on, changing through all the stations. "Is there like, any football game you want to be watching?" He asks turning to look at Louis. 

He's so fucking cute. Louis chuckles. "No, none are on right now." 

Harry immediately blushes. "Oh." 

"We could just rent a movie. Any you specifically want to watch?" Louis asks. 

Oh no. He's starting to feel sick. He grabs his garbage can and Harry is too busy talking and looking through the TV to even notice. 

But as soon as Louis starts puking Harry snaps around. He finishes and he rolls his eyes. He starts getting a little embarrassed.

"Fuck, Harry, you don't have to watch me." 

"I'm guessing you really don't like that movie?" He just asks instead. 

Louis stares. "What?" 

"Perks of Being a Wallflower. You threw up when I mentioned it?" He raises his eyebrows. He's adorable.

Oh. He's messing around. 

Louis chuckles. "I've never seen it." 

Harry sighs. "It's a good movie. By the way, keep eating. You didn't keep down those crackers, you need to have something in your stomach." 

"I'm just going to throw them up again," Louis mumbles biting into one.

"Yeah, but you can still try. Drink some water too," Harry nods his head.

Louis laughs. He is really controlling, he had no idea he was like this. 

"You really know how to take care of someone," he says. He wonders how Harry was with his parents. He's guessing they were very close, and he always did things for them. Maybe that's why he is so good with this stuff.

Harry bites his bottom lip. "Yeah. I don't know why." 

"It's nice," Louis stares at the back of Harry's head, smiling. He's beautiful. 

"So, what do you say?" Harry asks, rubbing the bottom of his chin. 

"About what?" Louis is completely distracted by watching Harry do whatever he does.

"The movie I suggested?" 

"Perks of a flower?" Louis asks, completely forgetting what he said. 

Harry chuckles. "Perks of Being a Wallflower." 

"Oh. Sure. Is it really good, like you say?" He bites into the cracker. 

"Yeah. I love it, not sure if you will."

"It sounds kind of like..."

"Sad?" Harry interrupts. Louis nods. "Yeah, it is sad." 

Louis wonders why Harry likes all the sad movies. He knows it's probably because of his past, but why would you just want to watch sad movies? Why not happy?

"Yeah, that's fine." 

Harry smiles going to rent the movie. 

Louis pukes twice during the movie, and Harry stays at the end of the bed, keeping a hand on Louis' ankle, rubbing it too when he throws up. It makes Louis a bit happy in the strangest way. The movie is sad, Harry even fucking tears up which makes Louis upset. 

It is a beautiful movie, the way it's portrayed, he will admit to that. 

Once it's over, Harry tries to get Louis to eat the applesauce. 

"Harry, nothing is staying down," he mumbles, a bit annoyed that nothing will stay down. 

"I know. There's nothing else to really do," he sighs. Harry then walks over to the other side of the bed, joining Louis with his head on the pillows. Louis stares at him like he's crazy. 

"What are y--"

"Sh, Louis. It's fine," he smiles, nudging his face into the pillow. Louis sighs. 

"Can I have some of the water?" He asks. 

Harry chuckles. "Say it again."

Louis gives him a look. What the hell? He decides to mess around. "It again." 

Harry laughs, throwing his head back in the pillow. Louis stares at the beautiful, happy boy in front of him. 

"No," he chuckles going to look back at Louis. "Water." 

"Water?" Louis is beyond confused. 

Harry smiles, going to grab it for him. "I like how you say it." 

Louis rolls his eyes. "Stop that," he grabs the water from Harry. 

"M'don't know why," he shrugs. 

Louis stares at him. "I like your laugh, Harry. I love your happiness. It looks amazing on you." 

Harry's smile fades a little. He looks scared. Beyond terrified, actually. But he starts leaning in. And Louis starts feeling sick. 

He turns around quickly, throwing up. Fuck, Harry was just about to kiss him too. 

He groans, turning back to Harry who is blushing.

"That was embarrassing," he mumbles, "I tried to kiss you and you threw up." 

Louis laughs. Harry starts smiling himself. "I would kiss you now, but I doubt you want me to." 

Harry shrugs. "I won't die." 

He then slowly leans in, kissing Louis softly on the lips. Louis' eyes close into the kiss. Harry pulls away, staring down into Louis' eyes, faces very close. 

"You're lovely, Harry," he smiles. 

Harry blushes, pushing himself away, resting his head on the pillow, looking up. And Louis just stares. 

They're quiet after that. But it's a peaceful sound.

Louis likes the sound of them breathing together. It's like their lives were made for this.


	11. eleven

"Isn't this good?" Louis asks showing Harry his little sketch of a tree. 

Harry looks up from his journal, narrowing his eyes, the wind blowing his hair perfectly. He starts chuckling. "Um." 

Louis narrows his eyes. He looks back at his tree. "I mean... it's better than bad, right?" 

Harry just smiles before going back to his journal. 

It's been a month. Harry and Louis are beyond perfect together. They spend everyday together, which is nice. Louis loves spending every second he can with him. Harry is just an amazing person.

He still hasn't seen any bits of Harry's journal yet, though. He doesn't mind. Louis is still working on his. He wants to give it to him soon. Because he wants to tell him that he's in love with him. 

Louis knew it all along. But now it's just something so natural. Loving Harry. 

He doesn't know if Harry feels the same way. He still is shy with Louis at times, he still gets quiet. But it wouldn't be Harry if he didn't act that way. 

They are now sitting on the rock by the creek, drawing whatever they see because Harry insisted. Harry is so focused while Louis just kind of scribbles around, trying to wing his drawing. 

"You have to take your time," Harry says tilting his head as he draws. 

Louis sighs. "I don't have good patience. You know that."

Harry draws a bit more before looking at him with a smile. "That's why not everyone can be an artist." 

"Yeah. You're crazy for having so much patience," Louis closes his journal while Harry continues to draw whatever he's drawing. 

"Patience is a virtue," he sighs before looking back into his journal. 

Louis watches Harry draw. He's so breathtaking. The wind blows perfectly in his face while he looks so relaxed and focused. He enjoys watching him. He's such an easy person to just watch and admire. 

"I don't like when you stare at me," he then mumbles, not looking up, "It makes me nervous."

Louis chuckles. "Can't help myself." 

Harry sighs, looking up while closing his journal. "Let's go."

"Are you finished?" He asks. 

He shakes his head. "I don't need to finish. That's how I like to work," Harry stands up and Louis follows. 

"You know," Louis starts ducking his way under the branches as they get out, "You really didn't have to make me come out here to draw a shitty sketch of a tree. I'm getting me shoes all dirty, you know I don't like the woods that much. And that I don't let getting my shoes dirty." 

Harry chuckles, still walking out. "I like your company though." 

They get out of the woods and Louis sighs loudly. "And I like you, unfortunately, so I have to come."

Harry gives him a smirk, leaning in quickly to peck Louis' cheek, who just swats away. 

"Don't be like that," Harry whines and Louis pinches at his side, making him jump because he's so ticklish. 

Louis loves Harry so much to the point that it hurts but it also makes him stronger than ever. It's crazy how Harry has such a huge impact on him. 

Louis has to spend the night with Zayn and Liam. It's Sophia's birthday so Liam insisted for them all to head to the bar. He asked if Harry would like to come, but he declined the offer. Louis doesn't know why. 

"I'll see you later, alright?" Louis smiles at Harry, rubbing his hand up and down his arm. 

Harry nods. "Yeah." 

Louis pouts out his lips, closing his eyes, waiting for a chuckling Harry to place his down. He does, and Louis just hops away. He feels like he's living some real life fairy tale, but nothing too dramatic. Just something so happy that can't ever be ruined.

He walks home since it's getting late and when he gets in, Liam is panicked. He rolls his eyes immediately. 

"You were supposed to be home an hour ago! We have to leave!" Liam yells at him. 

Louis looks at Zayn who is shaking his head. He chuckles. "I just need to change. It'll take ten seconds."

Louis hurries into his room to change. As he's getting his pants on he gets a text. He waddles over to open it. It's from Harry. 

_"Sorry this is so late when I could have just told you before you left. Any chance I could still come?"_

Louis smiles. Harry's trying again just for Louis. He couldn't get any better. 

_"Course! just meet @ Kennedy. bar on kennedy. see u"_

He is smiling like an idiot as he finishes getting changed. He checks himself in the mirror before walking out. 

"Stop smiling like an idiot," Zayn says at Louis. He rolls his eyes. 

"Harry's coming."

"Figured. Your smile reads Harry," Zayn shrugs. 

Is he really that obvious? Whatever, it's pretty easy to know by now because Harry is Louis' main source of happiness. 

"Sophia is wai--"

"We're coming!" Zayn and Louis shout at the same time. 

...

When they get to the bar they all squeeze on the couch while Louis sits at the counter with his drink, waiting for Harry. It's been about thirty minutes so he texts Harry asking where he is at. 

He answers in about ten minutes. 

_"Sorry. Be there soon."_

Louis sighs. He wonders if Harry doesn't want to come here for some reason. He doesn't want Harry to feel pressured to come here just because Louis is here. He hopes that isn't the case. He knows how anxious Harry can get at certain times. 

He continues to drink. Harry still doesn't show up and it's been another hour. He's getting annoyed, even though he shouldn't be. 

A random guy sits next to him and he scoots a little. He's getting drunk and just wants Harry to be here. 

He watches the door and thankfully, Harry walks through. He waves him over and Harry catches his eye, smiling walking over. 

"Hey," he smiles, sitting down next to Louis. 

"What took ya so long? I was getting worried," he says giving him a look. 

He shrugs. "Lost track of time."

He nods. "What were you doing?" 

"Talking to my sister. That's kind of why I wanted to come here," he looks at Louis sadly. He frowns. 

Harry told him about his sister. She and his parents never got along. She was a horrible person to the whole family over weird personal problems. She wasn't living with them when the accident happened. She wouldn't even come down once she heard the news. 

So this is strange for her to be talking to Harry now, considering their relationship. 

"What happened?" He asks. 

"She called me as soon as you left. I couldn't answer, so of course, I wanted to be with you. That's when I texted you. She called me again about thirty minutes later and I picked up. She tried apologizing to me. I have no idea why, it was just weird," he shakes his head.

Louis nods. "Want a drink?" He asks lifting up his glass, pushing it at Harry's lips.

He moves his head back, shaking it. "No, thanks. Just want to be with you now."

Louis smiles. "And I want to be with you," he drags the last word out, smiling while closing his eyes.

Harry chuckles. "Why you here by yourself?"

"Just was waiting for you. They all annoy me, sometimes," he mumbles, putting his hand into his cheek.

"And I don't?" Harry asks.

"Never. Well, maybe when you snore in your sleep. That's pretty annoying," Louis chuckles to himself.

"Hey. Not nice," he mumbles, "I can't help it."

"You're like an airplane taking off."

"Stop," Harry blushes, trying to hide his cheeks into his sweater.

"It's cute...but in an annoying way. Do I have any annoying things I do? I think I'm annoying a lot, but anything specific to you? That sometimes you just want to like, hit me or something to stop me?" He rambles.

Harry shrugs. "You chew gum obnoxiously," he says quietly, smile creeping on his face.

Louis makes a face. "I've told you that though!" He did tell Harry that he chews like a cow. He can't help it.

"I know. Just wanted to remind you," he says leaning towards Louis, wide smile.

"I hate you," he rolls his eyes.

"Then no kisses for you tonight," Harry leans back. Louis gives him the eye.

"You wouldn't."

Harry sucks in his lips, shrugging.

Louis reaches over, pinching his side. He yelps and Louis leans up quickly, pecking his lips on his.

"Got your lips!" He shouts. He then stands up, running into the crowd. He looks back to see Harry hesitantly going after him. He pushes through people, stopping to turn around to try to find Harry again. 

Harry is close when he reaches him, and he chuckles.

"What are you doing?" Harry laughs, grabbing the side of Louis' arm.

"Aren't you going to get your lips back?" Louis gives him a cute look. 

Harry's smile is something amazing as he leans in to peck Louis' lips. They kiss. And it feels incredible.

That is, he completely forgot they were in public. And that homophobic people exist. 

"Hey," they pull away from the kiss to a unfamiliar voice. Louis catches the eye of an angry stranger, "No one wants to see that." 

There it is. Something Louis fucking hates more than anything in the world.

"Yeah? And what's that?" He asks. He feels Harry release his arms. He notices Harry backing away from Louis, but he can't pay attention to him right now. 

"This isn't a gay bar. Why don't you two go to one?" 

"Last time I checked it didn't matter where people went to bars just because of some stupid name," he snaps. 

The man steps forwards. "I'm telling you now. No one here wants to see that faggot shit, go somewhere else." 

"And I'm telling you now that it's completely fine for gay people to kiss whenever and wherever they want in public, so if you have a problem with it, go somewhere else," Louis snaps stepping closer himself to the man. 

Nothing bothers him more than homophobic people. He doesn't understand why it matters to others. 

"Think you're all tough?" The man shoves at Louis. He stumbles back. That's it. 

He goes to swing at the man but he hears a small yell next to him. 

"Louis, please, stop!" 

He turns to see Harry staring at him, almost scared. Maybe sad. He wants to listen to Harry. 

"Get out of here." 

Louis turns back to the man. 

He does the best thing that comes to mind. He lifts up his leg, kicking the man straight in the dick. 

"Just because I love dick so much," Louis smirks before turning, grabbing Harry's hand and walking away. 

He storms through the crowd. He's raging. 

He frowns though when he feels Harry pull his hand away from his. He turns to look at him. He looks upset. 

"You didn't have to do that," he mumbles crossing his arms. 

"Yeah I did. You don't let them talk to you like that," Louis gives him a look. Why would Harry think that it's okay?

"It's just his opinion, Louis. If he doesn't think it's right for that, he can't help it. I know he doesn't have to express it, but I mean, at least he can like, say it out loud," Harry squeezes his eyes shut like he doesn't know what he's trying to say. 

Louis sighs. "Harry, there's no reason for him to say something like that to us. You know that. Some opinions don't need to be heard all of the time." 

Harry nods. "I know, I know. I'm just trying to put myself in his shoes." 

He stares at Harry. He almost starts getting...mad. Is he trying to stick up for him? "So you don't care someone called us faggots? You don't mind that he wanted us to leave because we kissed?" 

Harry shakes his head. "I mean, I don't...I don't know." 

Louis huffs and he kind of wishes he doesn't by the frown on Harry's face. He can't help his temper when it comes across him. "Whatever. I just won't kiss you in public anymore." 

Why is he so mad? He has no idea and he also has no clue why he is taking it out on poor Harry. He knows that he has trouble expressing himself. 

"Louis, I-I never said that I...that I wanted you to not kiss me. I just think t-that it shouldn't matter what others say," Harry squeaks out. 

Louis stares at Harry while he gets fucking tears in his eyes. Fuck, Louis is going to blame the drink. He'd never get so mad over something like this. 

"Sorry. My mum just raised me to never let people talk bad to your face. She always wanted me to stick up for myself," he sighs, "I'm drunk and angry. I'm sorry for taking it out on you."

Harry nods, small pout on his face. He doesn't speak and Louis knows he messed up. 

"Harry, seriously, I'm--"

"Uh, Louis," Harry widens his eyes, backing away. 

Louis turns around to see the guy coming back. He's too close too fast as he nails Louis straight in the jaw, immediately catching him off balance. He's a tall man, a strong man. He knocks Louis right to the ground. 

He then feels a foot to his rib and he jerks, yelping at the pain. 

"Stop it! You're hurting him!" He hears Harry yell, basically scream. Then there is no more guy hovering over him. Harry shoved him off of him. 

He glances up to see Harry basically shaking, staring angrily at the man. He's never seen Harry angry before. He pushes himself up to make sure he doesn't do shit to Harry, otherwise he'd loose it. The guy is being taken out of the bar, though. 

Louis groans as Harry quickly goes to grab his arm. 

"A-Are you okay? Louis, are you hurt?" Harry asks panicked. 

"I'm fine," he mumbles. It was only two hits, barely anything, "Let's just head back home." 

Harry has tears in his eyes worse than ever. Louis frowns at the sight of him crying. 

"He hurt you," he starts shaking his head.

Louis decides to chuckle to make Harry feel a bit better. "It was only two hits. I'm alive, barely injured. Okay?" 

Harry nods quickly. He looks at Louis cheek and frowns more. 

They walk out together in silence, heading back to Louis' place. His rib is a bit sore, but it's bearable. 

It takes about ten minutes to get back and they still haven't said one word to another. 

"Go into your bed. I'll be there in a couple," Harry says quietly. Louis just nods, heading over there. 

It's about ten minutes before he sees Harry again. He smiles widely as he walks in the door. 

He holds a hot chocolate in his hand, an ice bag and a small bandage.

He walks over, giving Louis his drink. He places the ice bag on his rib before going to clean the small cut he got on his cheek. He then puts on the bandage, ever so gently. 

Louis stares at him with the smallest smile. "Harry. I'm fine," he reaches out to grab his arm to give it a squeeze. 

Harry shakes his head, looking down at his hands. "Louis." 

He just tilts his head questioning, waiting for Harry to continue. 

He takes a deep breath, looking up. "You're everything I want to be. The way you stuck up for us...I just... you're amazing. God, Louis, you're the best thing in my life and I want you to know that you mean everything to me...o-okay?" 

Green eyes stare into blue. 

He almost tells Harry that he loves him right then and there. 

"Of course," he just says instead, "Thank you, Harry."

He nods. He creeps over to lay on the bed, pulling Louis into him. Louis puts his head onto his stomach, closing his eyes. He still holds onto the hot chocolate that Harry generously made him. 

He could stay with him forever. 


	12. twelve

Louis wakes up with his side killing him. He groans as he moves, making a sleeping Harry pop his head up.

"What's wrong?" He asks frowning, putting his head over Louis'. 

"M'tummy," he mumbles, squeezing his eyes shut.

Harry sits up straight, reaching to Louis' shirt, pulling it up. He gasps a little once it's up. 

"Louis, your rip is bruised," he frowns looking back up to Louis whose eyes are now open. 

Louis forces himself to sit up, rolling his eyes. "Damn it." 

"I don't know what to do, this is my fault," Harry runs his hand through his hair frantically. 

Why would Harry say it's his fault? He's not the one who kicked him. 

"Harry, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who started shit." 

"I didn't...I didn't-"

Louis doesn't want Harry to say what he is gong to. He's probably going to say how he should have stuck up to the guy with him. Louis knows he could barely talk to him, still. He doesn't expect that from him. This is just who Louis is as a person.

"Harry. Listen to me. You're fine," he says nodding to him, "You didn't do anything, I'm fine. I just have a bruised rib, alright?" 

He nods, closing his eyes gently. 

Louis doesn't like being serious, whatever the situation is. He wants to lighten up the mood. 

"You know what you could do though?" Louis asks. Harry pops his eyes open.

"What?" 

"Get me some water," Louis makes a cute, pouted face. 

Harry then smiles, looking down at his hands before nodding. "Yes." 

He stands up, going out of the bedroom to grab him some water. Louis couldn't possibly be more in love. 

...

"I'm not going," Louis shakes his head. 

Harry pouts, grabbing Louis' hand, shaking it a little. "Please? For me?" 

It's been a few weeks since the whole bar incident. Harry and Louis still become closer than ever before. Harry finally took Louis to his apartment. It's incredibly small, but very creative. Lots of small posters are hung. There is a little table turner placed on his kitchen counter. He claims he reads while it plays at night before he heads to bed. 

It's sort of what Louis expected. Harry being how he is and all. But it was so relaxing. They just watched some episodes of The Walking Dead in the candle light. Louis felt so calm, and he knows that is how Harry likes feeling all of the time.

Louis doesn't like being alone though. He hated being at his old apartment. He's thankful now he's always with Harry or Liam or Zayn.

"I'm not walking through that. It's too muddy and gross, my shoes will be ruined," he rolls his eyes. 

Harry claims he made a little thing for a date out somewhere in the woods. He has no idea why the hell Harry loves the woods so much. But Louis doesn't, and Harry knows that. He barely likes going in the woods by that damn creek. 

"Please? Come on, Lou," he sighs, releasing his hand, still pouting out his lips. 

Louis narrows his eyes. "No. For now on Styles, I'm in charge here." 

Harry then chuckles. He laughs to himself before walking over to Louis, and he literally picks him up, throwing him over his shoulders. Louis gasps as he does this. 

"Put me down, Harry!" He shouts, laughing a little as he carries him so easily. 

"Nope," he says amused. 

Louis starts lightly hitting at his back trying to get out of his tight grip. He walks through the woods. 

"Harry!" He shouts again, trying to look over his shoulder to see where the hell they are going. 

"I'm doing you a favor, diva Queen. You're not getting your shoes dirty," Harry says. 

Louis huffs. "I am not a diva Queen."

"Whatever you say." 

Once they reach wherever, Harry puts Louis down in the grass. He wobbles a little before looking around. 

A complete open field of grass in the middle of the woods, trees surrounding them. A little picnic is placed down. He starts smiling immediately. He never fails to amaze him. 

"Now how did you find this?" Louis asks crossing his arms. 

Harry shrugs, sitting down on the small blanket, taking out the food basket. "Doesn't matter. Sit." 

Louis sighs, walking over and sitting down right next to Harry.

"Now what'd you make us?" He smiles. 

Harry tends to make them food a lot of the time. And everything he makes is actually pretty good, to Louis' surprise.

"Some sandwiches. Fruit. Basic picnic snacks," he smiles handing Louis his food. 

He laughs, taking them in his hand. "Why'd you think of a picnic?"

Harry shrugs. "I've always wanted to have one, you know? I like the concept of the blanket on grass with the small food basket, having a conversation with somebody." 

Louis smiles, nodding. "Acceptable. The only thing unacceptable are these stupid ants. They are all over the blanket," he groans looking downwards.

"They won't harm you, Lo-"

Louis takes his food, slamming it down on the blanket trying to kill some ants.

"But I guess you'll harm them," Harry continues. Louis looks up and he's frowning down at the ants.

Louis tilts his head a little annoyed. "Please don't tell me you're one of those people."

Harry looks up, frown still placed on his face with his sandwich in his hands. "What?"

"Like you literally can't hurt a fly," he raises his eyebrows and Harry starts immediately blushing. 

"I-I don't know, I just don't like killing bugs," he bites shyly into his sandwich.

Louis can't help but smile. "Aw, come on, Harry. Really? They live short lives anyways."

"More the reasons not to make it even shorter."

Louis chuckles. "Fine. I won't kill anymore. Alright?"

Harry nods. "Good. Now eat your sandwich. We're wasting daylight," he smiles.

Louis does as he says. He stares at Harry as he chews on his own sandwich, staring down at it as he eats. He has a habit of sticking out his tongue before placing something in his mouth.

Harry looks up to his stare. "What?" He asks, mouth full of sandwich.

Louis can't help but smile even wider. "You know what...you're cute. You're really fucking cute, did you know that?"

Harry blushes so much that his entire face is basically red. He swallows his sandwich dramatically, still flushed. "Thanks."

He smiles, going to eat his own sandwich. He watches Harry for another five minutes. He still is blushing.

Louis made Harry carry him back out just to be more dramatic, or diva-ish as Harry likes to call it. He carried the blanket in his hands though. Harry is very strong, and capable of carrying everything.

They head back to Louis'. Louis is trying to make them cookies. He cheats though. They aren't homemade, only the ones that come in the package deal. He told Harry not to come in, but Harry isn't dumb.

"You know I can tell you aren't really doing anything? You're just making noise to make it seem like you're doing something?" Harry yells from the living room.

Louis huffs. "How did you know?" He peaks his head in. Harry is leaned up against the couch as he makes eye contact. He chuckles.

"It doesn't consider that much noise. What are you making in there?" He asks.

"The packaged cookies," he shrugs.

"Those are still good. Are they in the oven?"

"Yeah," he says, peaking his head in the kitchen to look, "Only a couple more minutes."

Once the cookies are done, Louis takes them out, putting them on a plate before bringing them to the living room. He places them on the table, sitting down right next to Harry.

"Did you spit in any of them?" Harry jokes reaching over to grab one. Louis does the same, chuckling a bit.

"One. You'll never know which one, though," he smirks getting Harry's elbow lightly in his side.

"Behave."

Harry flips through the channels and they decide that nothing is on to watch. That's when Harry shyly turns to face Louis. 

"I have something for you," he says. 

Louis furrows his eyebrows. Why would Harry get something for him? He's nervous. So he starts laughing. 

"What?" 

Harry walks over to his picnic basket he put down by the front door, reaching in it and taking out a small box. He's blushing as he walks over to Louis, handing it to him.

Louis stares at him. "What is this for?" 

"Just open it." 

Louis sighs, feeling bad that he got him something. He opens it. It's a small glass figure, butterflies coming out of the sides. His heart drops looking up at him. 

"Butterflies," he says looking at him.

Harry smiles and nods. "Yeah."

He looks back down at the figure. He starts remembering that one night immediately. 

_Louis has his hand down on Harry's stomach. He rubs his stomach in small circles._

_"I have a butterfly on my stomach," Harry says gently._

_Louis turns his head to look up at him. "I think the term you're looking for is that you have butterflies in your stomach."_

_Harry chuckles. "No. Here."_

_Harry reaches down, pulling up his sweater. Louis sits up straight, looking down at his stomach. There is a huge tattoo of a butterfly on it. He looks back up into his eyes._

_"Why do you have this?" He asks._

_He sighs. "A butterfly has a meaning to many people, Lou. Some people look at it as the evolution of the soul, as beauty, as a symbol for God, a symbol for love. I like to look at it as a way of life. That life goes on."_

_Louis smiles at him. "That's amazing, Harry. Really."_

_He takes a deep breath. He sits up straight, grabbing Louis' hand. "You're my butterfly," he laughs shaking his head, "I know that sounds beyond weird, like an ugly name couples would call each other in seventh grade, but that's how I look at you. You're the main reason in my life now in why I believe life goes on. You represent so much beauty and life to me, Louis. So thank you."_

_Louis just stares at him and he knows that he is madly in love and that he wants to spend every second until his death with Harry._

_"Then you're my butterfly, Harry. You make my life whole. Okay?" He asks, rubbing Harry's knuckles with his thumb._

_Harry smiles, and he leans in._

_Louis kisses him like he never has before._

"Harry, it's beautiful."

Harry takes a deep breath. "I know that you don't have any tattoos or whatever, but since I have my butterfly tattoo, I thought maybe, that maybe that could be like your butterfly tattoo, you know?" He asks shyly. 

Louis is quiet a while, not breaking eye contact with Harry. They just stare into each others eyes for what seems like forever. Louis wants this to be forever. 

He takes a deep breath. Harry knows he's about to say those three words. 

Louis knew that everything would change. But not like this. 

"I love-"

"Don't say it," Harry says sternly. Louis feels his whole heart basically shattering. Why would Harry not want Louis to say it?

"Harry-"

Harry is shaking his head. "If you say it...it changes everything." 

Louis stares at him, more than beyond shocked. This is the last thing he would have expected. Ever. 

"No it doesn't," he says giving Harry a look. He doesn't know if it's anger or hurt.

"Yes it does," Harry takes another deep, shaky breath before standing to his feet. He starts pacing. 

Louis stands up, butterflies still in his hand as he walks closer to Harry. 

"Why would it change everything, Harry?" He asks staring at him like he's crazy. Maybe he is crazy. 

"Everyone who has ever loved me has left me. I can't have that with you," he says still pacing, not looking at him anymore. 

Louis huffs. Does Harry really think that? That Louis would ever in hell leave him?

"Do you really believe in that? Why the hell would I leave you? I can't even breathe when I'm not around you for just a few hours," he starts yelling. He's mad. His temper is rising. 

"Yes, Louis, I do," he stops pacing to look at him, almost scared, "I do. It's happened. I'm not letting it happen to me again, okay?" 

Louis can't find the words to speak. He knows he can't be mad at Harry. But he can't _help_ himself. He just loves him and he wants Harry to love him. He wants his life with him.

"I fucking love you so much my world revolves around you. I can't imagine a life without you, so, no Harry. _I_ won't let it happen to you again."

Harry squeezes his eyes shut. "Don't say that!" He shouts squeezing at his hair. 

"I'm going to say it because I'm not going to let some stupid theory change the facts, alright? You're just so fucking paranoid all of the time, we could move on together." He snaps.

That's when he knows he messed up everything. 

Harry looks at him, tears immediately in his eyes. "You think my theory is stupid? That me losing the first boyfriend I ever loved, my sister, _and_ my parents is a theory I have of being hurt and left alone by the ones I love...is stupid?" 

His world is spinning so fast he can't breathe. What did he do? He probably sounds like his first fucking boyfriend. 

"Harry-"

"I can't believe you would say that to me. Out of all people," he frowns, shaking his head. Tears are filling his eyes worst. And tears start filling Louis', as well. 

"I didn't mean it like that, okay? You shouldn't let your tragic past ruin your life now. You could be loved so easily, because I love you so much," Louis rambles. He doesn't know what to say, not anymore. He's lost at his words. Those probably weren't any better.

"My tragic past? You just want me to forget it all? Louis, you've never lost anyone! You don't know how it feels to just feel so abandoned and alone all the time! I can't help myself!" Harry's crying now. And it's all Louis' fault. He looses it. 

He mumbles out a large scream out of frustration at not being able to find his words right, taking the glass of butterflies, throwing it as hard as he can at the wall. It's to the left side of Harry. 

Harry basically ducks, shaking. He stands back up straight, staring at Louis like he never has before. He looks hurt, maybe betrayed, even. Scared. He just shakes his head slowly, turning around and going to grab his basket. 

"Harry, I'm sorry," Louis mumbles out, not flinching a muscle. His voice cracks. He's now crying. But he can't move. He can barely breathe. 

Harry doesn't say anything. He just opens the door, walking out of it with a slam. 

Louis stares down at the shattered glass on the ground. 

 


	13. thirteen

Louis stands there for a while before sitting down in the same exact spot, not being able to move. He can't take his eyes off of the fucking glass thing Harry got him. 

What did he do? 

Harry is fucking sensitive. He went through hell and he just was scared when Louis told him how he really felt. Louis shouldn't have got pissed at him, he should have been calm and understood. 

Louis wishes he didn't have such a short temper. It gets him in trouble. Especially in a situation like this. 

Louis tends to be selfish sometimes. He can't help himself. He overreacts about things having to do with him. 

He shouldn't have acted like this with Harry and he knows that. He just let himself act without thinking. Now he fucked everything up and he doesn't know what to do. 

For all he knows Harry could be on a plane to Mullingar right now. He might not come at the coffee shop anymore. Then what does he do? What if Harry doesn't try to contact him ever again?

Fuck, he's probably so sad right now and it's all Louis' fault. He never wanted to be the reason behind Harry being upset, that's the last thing he'd ever want. Now look at them. 

He shakes his head slowly as the door opens. 

Glass is crunched and Zayn looks down before up at Louis. "What the hell?"

Louis doesn't say anything he just continues staring at the glass like he has been.

"What happened, Lou?" Zayn asks walking over to Louis, bending down, placing his hand on Louis' knee. 

He doesn't say anything. He just starts crying lightly. And Louis never cries, so Zayn starts to panic. 

"Shit, you have to talk to me Louis, is it Harry? Tell me what's going on," Zayn starts getting more nervous. 

Louis just takes a deep, shaky breath. "I fucked up, Zayn." 

"Want to talk about it?" He asks gently. 

He shakes his head. He doesn't want to speak about this ever. "Can you just pick up that glass please?" He asks weakly, standing to his feet while Zayn helps him up, "I just want to go to bed. I have work in the morning."

Zayn just nods his head quickly, looking at Louis still worried. "Of course."

Louis just nods slowly before turning around and heading into his bedroom. He doesn't close his eyes. He just continues staring. 

He can't stop thinking about what he said to Harry. He hates nothing more than upsetting people. 

And nothing hurts more than it being Harry, out of all people. 

...

Harry doesn't show up at the coffee shop. It's not a surprise to Louis. But apart of him was hoping he would and they could talk. 

Louis doesn't know what the hell to do. 

Now that he knows where Harry lives he could always go there to talk to him. That is the only way things could maybe get better. 

He just feels so different now. He hates feeling like this. He hates knowing how Harry is feeling. 

"Lou, can't you just tell us what happened?" Liam asks. 

Louis looks up to the both of them. Zayn and Liam stare at him like he's a fucking broken toy. 

"What does it matter to you guys?" Louis snaps. 

Liam rolls his eyes. "Because we can't tell you what to do if we have no idea what's going!" 

Louis sighs. He has to tell them. They are always here for him. 

"I just told Harry that I loved him and he got scared because of his past. And I yelled at him, freaked out. Threw the little gift he got me at the wall, breaking it. He ran off," Louis mumbles out trying to keep the story short. He doesn't want to talk about it at all. 

Zayn and Liam quiet down. 

"Lost your temper?" Zayn asks gently. 

Louis just nods, biting his lip. He didn't want to. 

"The only way you can solve this is try to talk to him. But if he doesn't want you to, you have to give him space then. Why don't you go over there?" Zayn asks. 

He starts shaking his head. "He doesn't want to see me."

"It'll mean something to him that you attempted to see him. You have to," Liam continues for Zayn. 

He knows he should probably head over there, but he just doesn't know how to after that. He wouldn't know what to say. 

But maybe he should go to check up on him. That's the right thing to do right now. 

"Fine," Louis barely says out loud, walking over towards the door to get on his shoes. 

"That was easy," Liam says with a small chuckle. 

"Shut up," Louis says while opening it, slamming it shut behind him quickly. 

He walks to Harry's house. He lives probably about five minutes away. It's chilly outside, and late, but he doesn't mind. 

His heart is beating fast. He almost can't breathe again. He just doesn't want to lose Harry forever. And he knows that Harry doesn't want to lose Louis, either. He told him that the second he told him he loves him. 

It's crazy how love is such a powerful one syllable word. It's such a small word but has such huge meaning behind it. 

Love will make somebody go mad. But that's just how life works, isn't it?

He's outside Harry's apartment. He walks in the area, heading up to his room. He takes a deep breath before knocking on it. 

No answer for a while. 

He starts pacing. What if he left? He knows where Harry keeps his spare key. He told Louis just in case. 

He reaches into the planet outside his room, taking out the key. He opens the door and immediately he hears the shower running. 

He walks further in, closing the door behind him. He starts walking in slowly, very cautiously. 

"Harry?" He asks. 

He continues walking to see a lot of steam coming out from where Harry is showering. He walks a little faster seeing that the door is wide open. 

He gets in the view of the shower, seeing Harry sitting on the edge, clothes on his body still, steaming hot water falling down on him. His back is facing towards him. 

Louis basically gasps once he notices what is actually happening. 

"Harry," he says hurrying over to him. The room is super hot, the water has to be burning his skin off, even though he's wearing clothes. 

He reaches over, going to turn off the water. He pulls back once he touches it because it's so fucking hot. 

"What the hell are you doing?" He snaps, hurrying to turn off the water so it doesn't burn him too much. 

He turns it off, looking to a dripping wet Harry. Water drips down his face, hair drenched as well. Clothes all baggy from the water. 

A kid who just wants to be happy in his life can't be happy and it bothers Louis more than anything. He's done nothing bad to this world yet the world treats him so badly in return. He doesn't deserve this.

He frowns when Harry doesn't look at him. 

"Come on, let's get you in dry clothes," Louis says, grabbing at Harry's arm. 

He doesn't move though. 

Louis hates seeing him like this. He hasn't seen Harry this sad, ever. He never wants to see this again.

"Harry, please, let's go." Louis is getting more worried. He doesn't know what to do. He just wants to make all the bad in Harry's head go away.

Harry just slowly turns to look at Louis, face unable to read. He slowly opens his mouth. 

"You love me," is all he whispers out. 

And for some reason, those words make it seem like the world is shattered. Like Harry's world is at fault because Louis loves him. He hates it.

Louis just nods, not knowing what to do still. "Let's go. Come on." 

Harry just slowly stands up, letting Louis drag him to his bedroom, steam still in the bathroom. 

Fuck, why was Harry doing that? Louis is about to break down in tears at the thought of Harry letting himself get burned with water as his clothes are still on. It's all his fucking fault. 

He reaches into Harry's dresser, pulling out everything he needs for him.

"Put these on, okay?" He asks walking over to Harry who is sitting on his bed, staring down at the ground. 

Louis stares at him. He didn't even realize his hands were shaking but he does now as he holds out Harry's clothes. 

"This isn't new for me, Louis. I know what to do," he mumbles reaching over to grab the clothes from him. What does he mean this isn't new? How could someone do this to themselves?

Louis frowns. "You do this often?" He asks. 

Harry just shrugs it off, nodding. Louis feels his heart sink. So it isn't just because of what happened. 

"Why?" He asks. 

He just takes off his shirt, Louis turns away so he doesn't watch Harry change. 

"Why wouldn't I?" 

He doesn't say anything as he hears Harry changing. He starts crying, barely, but there are tears.

Louis never fucking cries. He's so fucking upset. 

"You know, my parents weren't able to watch me graduate high school."

Louis takes a deep breath, turning around to see Harry dressed, hair still wet as he looks at Louis with sad eyes. 

"Harry-"

"I was valedictorian," he huffs, shaking his head, "And they have never been more proud of me when we found out. But then they died before it. I couldn't even speak my speech. So I didn't. I just walked off the stage and never looked back."

He can't even imagine Harry on the biggest day of his life, thinking of his proud parents who weren't even there. Just because they couldn't be. They can't be there for him anymore and that is the worst of all of this. Especially how close Harry was to them.

Louis stares at him. "I'm sorry," he says sternly. He doesn't know what else to say.

He shakes his head. "Is that why you're here? You wanted to say sorry?" He asks watching Louis cautiously. 

Louis just goes to sit down next to Harry. He nervously plays with his hands. He wants to say more. "No. I just wanted to say I lost myself when you wouldn't accept me saying that I love you. I just went a little crazy and I didn't mean those things I said." 

Harry stares at him before nodding slowly. "I'm scared, Louis. I really am and I just want you to see that. I want you to know this isn't easy for me. I know you've never been in my position." 

"I know I haven't. And I'm sorry for what I did. I never want to lose you either, okay? That's why I freaked a bit."

He doesn't know exactly what to tell Harry. So he's just saying exactly what comes to mind. It's all true. 

"I know," Harry says quietly, resting his head on Louis' shoulder, "I know." 

Harry's long hair gets Louis' shoulder wet, but he doesn't mind. He just leans his head against Harry's. 

"It's just three words, Harry. It doesn't mean I'm going to leave you. Sure, those words are powerful, but nothing will happen to us. Okay? I promise," he says gently, still heads touching. 

Those three words mean everything to Louis. He hasn't said them before. But he means them. And they won't ever get their meaning taken away. Even if Harry won't love him back, Louis will always love him.

"Okay," he says quietly, voice hoarse. 

Louis pulls up, Harry removing his head as well. Louis just stares at Harry as he stares back. 

"I'm sorry I ruined your present," he decides to say. He feels so awful about that. 

Harry just nods slowly. "It's alright." 

"No, really, I'm sorry. I just... I can't help myself. I loved it more than anything. How much was it?" He asks. 

"It doesn't matter," Harry gives a small smile, "Seriously, Lou." 

"Harry, please. At least let me pay you back," Louis says. 

He sighs. "No. It was a gift, you don't have to pay me anything."

"But I broke it." 

He shrugs. "Then that just means the butterflies are free."

Louis stares at Harry, shaking his head a little before placing a kiss on Harry's forehead. He then rests his head where he just placed the kiss. 

"You're too good for the world, Harry." 

Just like the world is too bad for Harry.


	14. fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was probably one of my favorite fics i've wrote! thanks for reading :)

It's the end of summer and Louis is going to give his journal to Harry. 

They have been very well. Harry hasn't told Louis he loves him, but Louis doesn't mind. As long as he is able to tell Harry that he loves him and he believes it, that's the most important thing. 

Because now when Louis tells Harry that he loves him, the look on his face is just something of pure happiness. That was Louis' main goal in his life, is to be the reason behind his happiness, even if that means that Harry won't ever tell him that he loves him. 

They have been hanging out a bit less because Harry has been really busy. Louis doesn't know what he's doing, but he lets him be. 

But they are once again, even closer than always. They always grow closer and it's an amazing feeling. 

Louis loves Harry. Harry is happy. 

It's Saturday and Louis had to stay after to clean up the coffee shop. He opens the door, turning around to lock it. When he turns around to walk home Harry is standing there looking all nervous. Louis had no idea he was there, so he jumps a little, being scared. 

"What the hell are you doing, creep?" Louis asks walking over to him to give him a quick peck on the cheek. 

"I have something," he speaks out quickly, too quickly, "To show you. Come on."

Harry reaches out his hand and Louis takes it. He walks them to God knows where. It's nowhere that they have been before. 

"Where are we going? Where are you taking me?" Louis asks staring at Harry who is basically dragging him. He looks extremely anxious. 

"You'll see," Harry turns around to give Louis one of the biggest smiles, which of course, makes Louis smile as well. Harry is so contagious. 

"This is where I have been so busy at. I was making something, for you," he lets out a shaky breath, "I hope you like it." 

Louis smiles as Harry drags him behind a really strange building. It looks as if no one has been there in the longest time. An abandoned building. 

"Why are-"

Harry brings them around and Louis stops talking immediately when he sees it. 

It's graffiti on the wall. It's a beautiful piece of art. Two guys sitting in the middle of the woods, stars and butterflies surrounding them. They're laughing. They're happy. It's absolutely breathtaking, Louis can't even speak. 

He just turns to Harry with his jaw open, words unable to come out. 

"I love you," Harry says quietly, blushing immediately, "So much."

Louis bites his bottom lip hard before reaching over to place his lips on Harry's. He can't believe that this is finally happening. Now Harry is happy. And he loves him. 

Harry pulls away with a small chuckle, "I remember that day when you asked me about doing graffiti. Like you said how you and Zayn did it. I decided to give it a try myself, and do this for you. I know it might seem a little stupid and we-"

"Shut up," Louis shakes his head, reaching into his bag. He pulls out his journal. He starts writing in it immediately, scratching one last page down. 

"What are you doing?" Harry asks confused.

Louis finishes what he is writing and drawing before handing it to Harry. "It's finished." 

Harry looks at Louis confused before taking it in his hands. He slowly opens the book, starting to read the pages. He's about five pages in when he starts tearing up. He closes the book to look at Louis. "Thank you," he whispers out barely. 

Louis smiles as Harry wraps his arms around him so tightly, he picks him up and spins him. He starts chuckling as Harry lets him down with a stumble.

"I love you," Louis reaches up to tap his nose. 

Harry scrunches up his face. He looks down at Louis with a smile he's never seen on his face before. "I love you. I love you for finally giving me a reason to be happy again and never giving up on me. I, fuck!" Harry turns around pulling at his hair. Louis looks at him confused because what? 

"Harry-" 

"I love you! I fucking love you so much!" Harry turns back around, "I'm insane. I'm absolutely fucking insane!" 

Louis starts laughing. This is the first time, the absolute first time Harry has ever cursed. 

"Woah, watch the lango," Louis holds out his hands, "No one wants to hear that." 

Harry shakes his head. He looks at his rings, playing around with them before walking back up to Louis. "I love you," he whispers out again. 

Louis laughs. He is insane. "I know. I heard you. And you know I love you." 

Harry shakes his head. "I love you. I love you and I actually fucking told you," he starts smiling widely, "I love you." 

Louis rolls his eyes, grabbing Harry's hand. "Come on. I think you're a bit overtired." 

"I'm hopelessly in love! I love you, Louis!" 

Louis is laughing as he pulls Harry away. A very insane, madly in love with Louis, Harry.

Louis is excited for the rest of his life with Harry. He won't mind waking up with him in the morning, watching him write in his journal while his coffee gets cold.


End file.
